Sunday, December 31, 2006

Resolutions...

I decided to put up my new year resolutions here so that you can give me a good kick when you catch me not sticking to them…

My New Year resolutions for 2007:

1. Arrange the laser guided missiles I play with, in my bedroom properly. My mom fears they might go off accidentally and destroy the city.

2. Dust my ship which I use to visit my home planet everyday. It won’t take much time, considering the ship is only 20 miles long.

3. Limit myself to eating 400 kg of ‘ewgriore’ (my favorite alien dish) each day.

4. Stop damaging aeroplanes by jumping down from them. PanAm has lost 30 planes so far. And Fly Emirates has lost nearly 15.

5. Keep my anger under control. Went berserk when I got upset last month and smashed up a whole neighborhood. The MIB are finding it rather hard to cover up.

6. Stop playing football with the neighbor’s kid…as the goal. He keeps flying off into the ionosphere. And the MIB have to get him back and wipe his memory each time.

The year 2006 A.D.

'THIS WAS DEFINITELY WHAT I’D CALL ‘ONE HECK OF AN YEAR’.

As I’m standing at the end of 2006, looking back at the one year I’ve gone through, I can’t say anything else. A year ago, I did not have had the slightest idea what I was to become, or rather, what my life was to become in this one year. It’s changed my whole goddamn life upside down! Though I’m more or less the same in physical appearance, it’s the inner self, as one would call it, which has been subjected to a complete transformation by the …eh…vicissitudes of fate. Let’s look at the phases these changes took place, one by one…

PHASE 1 (January, February and March): The Headache

My half yearly marks had just come out and they were nowhere near encouraging. And it was time for my model exams. Added to this was the Ten Test headache at my tuition centers. I really didn’t do anything these three months except for jumping from one test to another, often getting low marks in many (especially Chemistry). But I didn’t give a damn for these marks; I never have, in fact. Before I knew it my board exams were staring into my face and I, at them. The headache was finally over on March 23rd, when we wrote our last exam. The evening of March 23rd shall be one that I’ll never forget. I, along with my friends celebrated the end of exams by seeing Rang De Basanti at Satyam, and I will never forget that movie, either…one of my favorites. That’s the end of Phase 1.

PHASE 2 (April, May and June) : Under High Tension

The next three months, I wrote four more entrance exams, the IIT JEE, AIEEE, BITSAT and the dear old CET, in that order. I really had a good time during common entrance coaching. All this was over by May itself…the rest of this phase, we all spent under high tension, waiting for the examination results. And when they came, it had a pleasant surprise in store for me. It turned out no one in my family had expected me to score that well…I found that a bit of an insult, but it was a good thing in fact. By the end of this Phase, I’d known my cutoff marks and had a pretty good idea what kind of college I’d be studying in.

PHASE 3 (July, August and September): Wrote my destiny

The entire month of July, I was in front of my computer, researching, making my decision on what college I would choose, from what would be available to me. Let me tell you what parameters I was taking into consideration. I kept hopping on from one college website to next. I visited the orkut communities of all those colleges to see what the students had to say about the college. And I tried collecting as much info as I could about the boys to girls ratio in each college (I can hear an “Ada paavi!” at this point). After all this I finally decided on being a day scholar, and to take EEE at SSN. But at the last minute, I got this call from my cousin advising me VERY STRONGLY to take the same course in the college I now happen to be a student of. I checked the college out on the net that night and found that it offered its students a lot of freedom. Perfect, I thought…just what I wanted. So, by the same time the next night, I’d written my destiny and I’d already found a couple of friends, my would-be classmates, over the net, all thanks to orkut. College was a lot different from the way I imagined it. And the hostel…I didn’t know what to say about it when I first saw it. But as time went, I adjusted myself to things. I had really nice roommates, and really good friends in class, and one in the same branch as me. As for the girls, don’t ask. Utter disappointment. Well, one can’t have everything. I was changing slowly at first…washing my own clothes, meeting and conversing with people with whom I had nothing in common, beginning to swear when I got annoyed without trying to control myself…and the like. Gained friends, lost a few…and well, I was not sad about my choice of college at the end of these three months.

PHASE 4 (October, November and December): Final destination

The last three months were really eventful. I spent almost all the time at the hostel these days, owing to the lack of many weekend holidays. This made me close to my roommates, though one of them never stays much in the room. I made a lot of casual friends, and a few good ones too, though none that can be categorized as really best friends. That’ll take time I guess, especially with a person like me, who finds it hard to trust people. Got blasted off by a lecturer, got caught sleeping in class often and really really screwed up more exams than I’ve done in the rest of my past life. One thing that makes me happy about my college is that, when I tell someone its name, they instantly recognize it and tell me it’s a good college…it does have some reputation, since it’s been around for long. At the end of the year, I’m still not sad about my choice of college. I would have never got to meet certain people had I chosen some other college. That’s maybe why I get irritated when people say they don’t like this college. But whether I’m happy with my college is another issue. I really don’t know the answer to that. Only time will tell…

It’s the last day of the year now…and I can’t help wondering, what a different person I was a year ago. But then, as I look at it more carefully, I haven’t changed much at all, am still the same old guy I was an year ago…its only my surroundings that have changed. I don’t know for sure. I never even guessed certain kinds of people existed before I saw them here, in my college. I’m still getting used to college. I’ve learnt a lot of good things at college, like blogging for example. I would have probably never started this thing, unless I’d been inspired by a blog of another college mate of mine. I started it only at the beginning of PHASE 4, in fact. And it’s been highly useful. At least, now there is a place I can put all the crap I write…instead of putting it in a corner of my mind and never writing it at all in the first place…and hey…its almost 12…so hi 2007…

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Fun at cousin's place...

Scene: The terrace, at my cousin’s place.

Characters: Me and cousin (Elder, female of the species)

This happened three days before my BCE exam. It was about 5.30 in the evening. I was resting comfortably in a chair with loads of BCE notes scattered around me and my cousin, seated equally comfortable with a copy of J.L. Manish’s (or was it K.L Manish?)‘Networking for Beginners’ in her hands. I was supposed to be studying for my BCE exam, quite obviously. And I was not studying for my BCE exam, again quite obviously. You see, I was more interested in the couple of crows flying above me. I was delving on the grace and beauty of these fascinating creatures when I was rudely interrupted by the cousin I spoke about.

Cousin: You’re supposed to be studying, remember?

Me: Yeah…but these crows are more fascinating than BCE…

Cousin: I can understand….. they probably look better than the girls in your college.

This got me irritated…though I found little fault with her view, there was no need to keep rubbing it in at every opportunity. Also, though not to a great extent, some girls in my college do look better than the feathered friends I’ve been discussing about.

Me: Do we need to go into that?

Cousin: Then for heaven’s sake stop watching those stupid birds and start studying..!

Me: Sigh…ok…

5 minutes into BCE and I was back to watching the crows again…

Cousin: You are going to fail BCE, you know…

Me (without taking my eyes off the crows): Who cares?

Cousin: Dei, padi da

Me (still focused on the crows): Don’t worry, I will…

Cousin: If you’re gonna keep an arrear in this subject you’ll never....

And so she went on….with her lecture. I was still immersed in watching the crows flying over my head. They were flying in beautiful arcs and curves….WHOOSH..! SWISH..! ZOOM..! and just when they were right above my head, SPLAT!

My cousin burst out laughing.

Cousin: Bulls eye!

I wasn’t all that amused, you see, because the bulls eye my cousin was referring to had its centre right above my nose, on my forehead.

Me: shit.

Cousin (still cackling): Yeah…it is…crow shit…

Me: Nice discovery thank you very much, but I figured it out for myself…

Cousin: Planning to wash the shit off your face at all…?

Me: I’ll do that…

So, after doing what one would call 'washing the shit off one's face' (and I did a thorough job of it) I returned to face an even worser kind of shit....BCE…and in another 5 minutes I gave it up altogether…

Me: No use…

Cousin: Hey come on…I used to study stuff twice as boring as this without losing concentration…

Me: I do not possess such extraordinary intelligence.

Cousin: You think I possess extraordinary intelligence?

Me: You do.

Cousin: What? Possess?

Me: No, think.

It took her the best of 10 seconds to figure out the meaning of what I said…and I made most out of those ten seconds by running for cover behind the door and slamming it shut. Sure enough, just when I shut the door, I heard a heavy thud against the door caused by, as I rightly guessed, the impact of J.L Manish’s (or K.L. Manish?) ‘Networking for beginners’.

Moral of the story:

1. Trying to study BCE always lands you in trouble.

2. Don’t be fascinated by crows, however bad your college girls look.

3. Cousins can throw a 1.7kg book at you without any hesitation when provoked. So make sure there are sturdy doors around, or at least a big sofa behind which you can take cover when books start turning into lethal projectiles.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

V for Vendetta.....B for ...?

My own custom intro of the character B, in V for Vendetta style....


Boo! Present before you is a bloated, big-nosed buffon, widely believed to be boring and birdbrained. This bizarre blockhead is no banner of bravery, boldness or brains, but rather a badge of bad manners and brainlessness. Being a batty old bugger, he is also the bringer of bad luck and often, the butt of the best jokes in the band. Bewildered by the most basic of brainworks, it is certainly bewildering that his brain works. His bitter, blabbering mouth and biting nature have made him the biggest blunder of ma nature. Beggarly in attire and beastly in behaviour, he is a base brute who backbites on everybody. So let me add that he is the greatest dishonour to the planet and that you may call him B (B for Bas**rd).


The original dialogue, as in the movie:

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

My BCE answer sheet

Indirect method of Frequency Modulation:



Circuit diagram:



Kindly refer the previous paper. I don't remember the diagram. You can give me marks for the theory part.



Explanation:

As can be seen from the diagram in my predecessor's answer sheet, the circuit looks rather ugly( I remember bits of the diagram, though..). I mean, those stupid looking triangles with those silly straight lines next to them (our lecturer calls them diodes, I don't know why) look rather out of place. Here's one of those......don't you think its ugly too..?

And those spring like things (inductors, i believe they are called) marked L1 and L2 look really disgusting. But I think those zig zag lines look rather cool...they are called...eh....can't remember......ah! resistors! that's right....they are called resistors. That's it for the description.

Working:
Now comes the tough part. The device is supposed to be a frequency modulator, so i guessed it is supposed to do a considerable amount of frequency modulating, in addition to its other duties. But I really don't understand how the damn thing does any frequency modulating at all. But my BCE lecturer told me it does a lot of frequency modulating and it is supposed to do quite a good job of it too, and so, i took her word for it. So, whoever you are, correcting this paper, i'd like you to trust me and take my word for it too. I know you'll find this hard to believe, but that top half of the circuit has something to do with providing a positive output, and the bottom half, a negative output. Bloody brilliant, I'd say. Splendid job, old chap!, I'd say that too. But alas! I can't say how it manages to do so, for I have absolutely no idea about it....and I'm out of patience, can't think of any more crap for this answer. You are at liberty to give me whatever marks you think this answer deserves, but do consider that my answer is completely original, still to be published in any book. Thank you for patiently reading this answer....

Monday, October 23, 2006

Down in the dumps....

Its diwali holidays, the time when everyone's happy, celebrating and enjoying.......well, i'm not everyone. I'm at the peak of being depressed right now.....I'd be richer than Bill Gates, if sorrow was money. I don't know the exact reason why I'm depressed......a lot of factors are contributing to the way my mood is. To begin with, I was actually planning to write about something else for this post, and it didn't come out as well as i expected, so I dropped it, which made me feel bad. I'd been planning it for long. Also, i'm suffering from a real lack of inspiration haven't written anything good since i came to this college. I had written the poem in my first post long back, when i was in school.

Secondly, I had planned atleast 2 movies with my friends. My plan flopped......my friend managed to get himself an ED special class to attend from out of nowhere at the last moment. Really annoying.....

And the third and the most important cause is, I HAVE A DAMN BASIC COMMUNICATION ENGINEERING TEST ON WEDNESDAY!! Basic Communication Engineering is a pain in the neck, if you ask me. The prospect of actually writing a test on the damn subject is certainly far from appealing. And added to the fact that I, being the genius I am, managed to leave my textbook back in the hostel, makes the idea of writing the test really, really uninviting.
Because, without the textbook, we are finished (Having the text book too doesn't make much difference, you can't understand the damn subject anyway. But you get the comforting feeling that even the author doesn't know what he is saying). My basic communication lecturer is already sort of displeased with me.....I sleep openly in her classes, and she's caught me sleeping often. And my dismal performance in the midsemester examinations did nothing to improve her opinion about me. She probably thinks I'm a brainless fool (Its perfectly fair, though. My idea about her is nearly the same).

It all started like this......one fine day, we EEE students were unfortunate enough to have a basic communication engineering class. As expected, the class put me in a coma. When i woke up, i found myself staring into the eyes of a great ugly monster that was looking at me as though it was about to gobble me up. I rubbed my eyes and strained them, by which act, i discovered that the great ugly monster was actually my lecturer. She asked me to stand up......and I managed to accomplish the feat really well. The reader must understand that i was not yet completely out of my coma; I was still in a highly delirious state. I really don't remember what she was telling me, but i guessed it was something unpleasant. After a minute of yelling at me, she asked "What are the advantages of Frequency Discrimination method?" I was about to say "Frequency Discrimination? Sorry ma'am, i don't know the chap", when it suddenly struck my clever brain that she was probably asking some question from what she'd been teaching. That didn't make Frequency Discrimination any more familiar to me, however. So i did the best thing i could do.......total silence....My lecturer was obviously not pleased, that i could understand. And so she said, "I'm going to mark you absent because you were mentally absent." That really made me angry. I attend the class only for the sake of attendance. Had wasted 50 minutes for nothing that day. She was going to note down my name and she told me so. I obliged her request by stating my name. She said "What?" And i stated my name again. And once again, she said, "What?" Well, i knew her iq level was a bit low, but didn't imagine it to be that bad. So, i spelled out my name loudly for her. The class burst out laughing.....and that started it....the conflict of wills between me and the lecturer...

Well, coming back to the point, there are other reasons too, why I'm depressed. But i really don't feel like sharing them...they are not that depressing as the BCE test is.....yawn.....am gonna go back to sleep....

Monday, October 16, 2006

Whew! Finally got through with my midsems. Am setting new standards for scoring low marks, especially in basic communication engineering. Given below is a set of guidelines on how to write, or rather, screw up exams really well. I compiled them just before my board exams (an ideal way to spend study holidays, instead of studying, if you ask me). I seriously considered trying a few of these in my midsems....


Ways To Spice Up Your Exams
Exams can get really boring sometimes......well, all the time for me. Following certain simple guidelines can help you screw up your exams very easily. Try the following in your exams if you are bored and sure of failing...
1.Read the question paper thoroughly. If you don't know any answers, read it again. If you still don't have any idea what the questions are about, start writing a mordern day version of romeo and juliet.
2.Watch a movie the day before your exams and write a review of it in your answer sheet.
3.Answer every alternate sentence in black ( guaranteed to irritate the person who corrects your paper.
4.Answer any diagram questions by drawing the examiners face from different angles.
5.Write ten reasons why you think you deserve the lead role in ManiRatnam's next movie.
6.Answer your paper in different languages.
7.Bring a log book to English exam and pretend to do calculations. If asked, just say you are calculating the probability of passing the paper.
8.Appeal to the religious sentiments of the person who corrects your paper. Whenever
there is a question you can't answer, write "JESUS, HELP ME!"
9.If the question paper is exceptionally long and tiresome, try putting in the lyrics for 'Thee Pidikka' song somewhere in the middle of an essay question and see if your teacher notices while correcting the paper.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

My First Blog

Well Hi! This is the first time i'm blogging. I'm actually kind of lazy, really lazy infact, so can't be posting often.......so here goes.....i've been at this goddamn place you call an engineering college for the past 2 months, and it is certainly a very happening place. I've changed a lot in these 2 months......i don't flinch anymore when i see someone swearing really really indecently. If i did i'd have to keep flinching all the time....and there has been a drastic fall in the hygiene i practise.....i use more deospray than drinking water these days . And there is the gentlemen's mess, though i really don't see what there is so gentlemanly about it.......neither the mess staff nor the students who dine there can be called 'gentlemen'. Well, coming to the point, the mess food, though not inedible, is certainly far from edible. And about my roommates....i have two, Ela and Andy. Well, they were actually named Anand Elamaran and Anandaraman by their parents, but there is no point in using such long names...is there? One is from Salem and the other from Namakkal.....small town boys with big mouths, especially Andy. They are kind of fun to be with, but i hate the kind of look they give me when i use deospray if i don't have time to take a bath. I mean, i do atleast take baths regularly....if not daily...well not daily...but still often. There is a lot more....but i've to attend to my Electric Circuits assignment now.....and hey everyone, check out this poem i wrote....it'd be a really fine description of my maths professor ...


MY PROFESSOR
I cannot take it any more professor!
My concentration is growing lesser and lesser
You sound like you are completely drunk
Your's is a class I'd love to bunk

I find more meaning in a donkey's bray
When I compare it to what you say
You keep going on with all that crap
While we all get ourselves a midday nap

Maybe if you were a little more brief
You wouldn't fill us with so much grief
Please continue with your ancient lore
While everyone around me is starting to snore

I don't know whether to break down and weep
Or put my head down and go to sleep
Which one to do, I can't decide
Any more of this and I might commit suicide

Abandoned by all fortune and luck
Here in your class I remain stuck
To you, I'd like to be as near
As the distance travelled by light in one year

Time dilation, I thought was just spoof
But your class is real life proof
You think you are Albert Einstein
But to us you look like Frankenstein

Oh God! Will this agony ever end?
Some kind of relief please do send
I feel as though I'm suffering in hell
Ah! There goes the blessed bell!
Hope you liked it
-Srivats...