Fun at cousin's place...

Scene: The terrace, at my cousin’s place.

Characters: Me and cousin (Elder, female of the species)

This happened three days before my BCE exam. It was about 5.30 in the evening. I was resting comfortably in a chair with loads of BCE notes scattered around me and my cousin, seated equally comfortable with a copy of J.L. Manish’s (or was it K.L Manish?)‘Networking for Beginners’ in her hands. I was supposed to be studying for my BCE exam, quite obviously. And I was not studying for my BCE exam, again quite obviously. You see, I was more interested in the couple of crows flying above me. I was delving on the grace and beauty of these fascinating creatures when I was rudely interrupted by the cousin I spoke about.

Cousin: You’re supposed to be studying, remember?

Me: Yeah…but these crows are more fascinating than BCE…

Cousin: I can understand….. they probably look better than the girls in your college.

This got me irritated…though I found little fault with her view, there was no need to keep rubbing it in at every opportunity. Also, though not to a great extent, some girls in my college do look better than the feathered friends I’ve been discussing about.

Me: Do we need to go into that?

Cousin: Then for heaven’s sake stop watching those stupid birds and start studying..!

Me: Sigh…ok…

5 minutes into BCE and I was back to watching the crows again…

Cousin: You are going to fail BCE, you know…

Me (without taking my eyes off the crows): Who cares?

Cousin: Dei, padi da…

Me (still focused on the crows): Don’t worry, I will…

Cousin: If you’re gonna keep an arrear in this subject you’ll never....

And so she went on….with her lecture. I was still immersed in watching the crows flying over my head. They were flying in beautiful arcs and curves….WHOOSH..! SWISH..! ZOOM..! and just when they were right above my head, SPLAT!

My cousin burst out laughing.

Cousin: Bulls eye!

I wasn’t all that amused, you see, because the bulls eye my cousin was referring to had its centre right above my nose, on my forehead.

Me: shit.

Cousin (still cackling): Yeah…it is…crow shit…

Me: Nice discovery thank you very much, but I figured it out for myself…

Cousin: Planning to wash the shit off your face at all…?

Me: I’ll do that…

So, after doing what one would call 'washing the shit off one's face' (and I did a thorough job of it) I returned to face an even worser kind of shit....BCE…and in another 5 minutes I gave it up altogether…

Me: No use…

Cousin: Hey come on…I used to study stuff twice as boring as this without losing concentration…

Me: I do not possess such extraordinary intelligence.

Cousin: You think I possess extraordinary intelligence?

Me: You do.

Cousin: What? Possess?

Me: No, think.

It took her the best of 10 seconds to figure out the meaning of what I said…and I made most out of those ten seconds by running for cover behind the door and slamming it shut. Sure enough, just when I shut the door, I heard a heavy thud against the door caused by, as I rightly guessed, the impact of J.L Manish’s (or K.L. Manish?) ‘Networking for beginners’.

Moral of the story:

1. Trying to study BCE always lands you in trouble.

2. Don’t be fascinated by crows, however bad your college girls look.

3. Cousins can throw a 1.7kg book at you without any hesitation when provoked. So make sure there are sturdy doors around, or at least a big sofa behind which you can take cover when books start turning into lethal projectiles.