Physics...Bah..!

I keep trying my very best not to poke fun of my teachers in my blogs...but they simply don't seem to want to give me a chance to do so. I mean, a guy has got every right to be left in peace if he wants to sit and sleep in class, or pursue an interest of his choice like solving the day's crossword (trying to) or drawing a nice cartoon. It is really saddening that lecturers do not welcome this idea. It is for this reason that I choose to visit as few physics classes as possible…I have, in fact devised a formula to assist me in deciding whether I need to attend the next physics class or not. Here it is:

(X + b (q^1/2)) / (y+ (p^1/2) +3)

Where,
X = number of days you have attendance for (might be greater than the number of days you actually attended class)
b = estimated number of hours you require to finish any pending assignments.
q = number of hours after 11 p.m. your roommate kept you awake last night by keeping the light on.
y = number of classes you’ve already bunked.
p = spite level, an indication of how much the particular lecturer is fed up with your behavior (sadly, this keeps shooting up for me, every now and then).

Range of result, after substitution of values:

Less than 0.5 - ATTEND THE CLASS, FOR GOD’s SAKE!!!
0.5 to 0.7 - You really should attend class…if you wanna keep out of trouble.
0.7 to 1 – Attend class…just this one…
1 – 1.2 – You’ve been attending a good number of classes…maybe its time to take a break.
1.2 – 1.5 – You really do need that break.
Greater than 1.5 – THIS CAN’T BE YOU!!!

It was on one of those days that the result was an alarming 0.7 that I decided to spend an hour in class. Armed with the day’s sudoku and crossword, I was ready to face any physics teacher be it human or monster (you usually don’t get to see much of the human variety). As soon as I entered class my eyes went straight to the last row, scanning it for empty spaces. I found two, occupied one of them. My lecturer entered the lecture hall and started lecturing, for that’s what lecturers are meant to do in lecture halls. I had filled in about five blank spaces on the sudoku puzzle and was busy arguing with the chap next to me if I could or not fill in a 3 in A-7 when I heard the lecturer call out my number for attendance. I dutifully answered, for attendance is the only reason I attend Physics classes. Just when I was about to resume the argument with my neighbor when I heard the lecturer call me again, this time by my name. From my past experience I have learnt that whenever a lecturer calls you by your name, you’re in for it. She asked me to work out the first of the 9 problems given as assignment the day before, on the board. I was in for it.

I’ve always liked fish…the ones that I’ve seen in my neighbor’s fish tank are really cool. The way they kept opening and closing their mouth always mystified me. Why, I used to ask, do they do that? The mystery was now solved as I stood there in physics class, doing the same.

Srivats is not a man who stands and stares when faced with SERIOUS TROUBLE. He acts, and he does it fast, they say. Well, I certainly did a considerable amount of staring and gaping, but I did not take much time in figuring out a solution to this predicament of mine. I just needed to exchange my notebook with that of Chappie 1’s…who was sure to have completed the problem in question. Chappie 1 was seated down the same row, so it wouldn’t be any trouble to switch notebooks as I walked towards the black board. It was to my serious shock that I discovered that Chappie 1’s notebook was with Chappie 2, who was seated further down the same row. I had to snatch the notebook out of his hand, and I did it rather noisily which grabbed the attention of the lecturer.

She asked me to bring my own notebook. I did so. She asked me again to bring my own notebook. I told her that it was the one in my hand. One look at the measly amount of progress I had made in solving the problem on my notebook and she asked me to leave the classroom. I did so quite happily, with a spring in my step and a smile on my lips. I stood just outside the door waiting for a couple of other people, who I was sure, would join me soon. Chappie 3 emerged out of the class in less than half a minute. Then came Chappie 4, Chappies 5,6,7 …followed by the entire class of 90, all with wide grins on their faces…I burst out laughing right there in the corridor…sigh…Physics can be fun sometimes…!