The Black Sheep

 

What is bored, annoyed, has no worthwhile business, spends 13 hours a day online and watches 4 movies a day?

1. Superman
   
2. Dr. Manmohan Singh
   
3. Captain Vijayakant
   
4. A EEE student in his semester holidays
   

 

An easy question to answer, if one can see through the twists, I would say. At first look, the choices may baffle the slightly lesser brained, but this question should pose little difficulty for the brighter specimens of our race. One only needs to employ the process of elimination to arrive at the right answer. The process can be explained as follows:

Let us consider the first choice, namely Superman. Superman, as we all know is...well, superman. He is generally considered to be, in addition to other things such as America's best underwear model, a superhero. You know, those chaps who go around the place doing all sorts of useless stuff such as protecting the world, saving aeroplanes that are about to crash, capturing bank robbers, and the like. These chaps are helpful indeed, but all they end up doing is work, which honestly speaking has to be done by law enforcement agencies worldwide, and as a result they are only making people lazier than they already are. Coming back, the point that is clear from the above description of a standard superhero's activities, that Superman has more important things to do than to spend 6 hours a day on orkut. Hence choice 1 can be eliminated.

The second choice, now. Dr. Manmohan Singh (The Dr. Manmohan Singh) as we all know has a rather important government job, that of the Prime Minister. While there strictly is no law that restricts him from watching 4 movies a day, and do all those things that are mentioned in the question, the voters wouldn't be very pleased if they come to know about it. Also, the man has opposition parties to answer to in the parliament, and hence we can assume safely that he isn't the culprit.

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...

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Ok...alright, Captain Vijayakant, the One Man Army of Kollywood. He is, in the words of Vivek, the man who has fought terrorists from Kashmir to Kanyakumari. Best known for his bullet-dodging action sequences (in one of which the bullet bounces off his chest and goes back to where it came from), he is the man who has provoked many a "Enna kodumai Saravana!" from his audience. He is, undoubtedly Tamil cinema's reply to Superman. He is usually busy fighting Pakistani terrorists and dodging their bullets while bashing up a couple of rowdies during his break hours. Added to that, he now has a political party to take care of. So it is rather unlikely that he should be guilty of the activities mentioned in the question.

The last option: The EEE student in his semester holidays. It would be impossible to justify his watching 4 movies or being online 13 hours a day saying he needs a well deserved break after working hard during the semester exams as evidence points otherwise. But when you delve deeper into his mind (he has one, just that it doesn't work most of the time), one can see that he has nothing else to do. Perfectly Vetti, to quote my Mechanics of Solids lecturer. Hence by the process of elimination we can conclude that the culprit is the EEE student... Which is me, as far as this blog is concerned...sigh...time to start my third movie for the day...signing off here...

 

P.S. This was the answer I wrote for the 14 th question in my Science of Creativity paper. Tell me if it was creative enough.

Ze Beauty of Ze Elektronik Zircoots

Life has in store its own ups and downs for everyone. So is the case with the output of a 'HIGH PASS RC CIRCUIT EXCITED BY A SQUARE WAVE INPUT' according to a certain Mr. U.A. Bakshi, as he states in his book on Electronic circuits. This however, is not the case with the output of a 'HIGH PASS RC CIRCUIT WITH A STEP INPUT'. No ups or downs here...only an exponentially decreasing curve (which so perfectly represents my inclination to study plotted against time). Why? Well Mr. Bakshi seems to be strongly convinced that the 'STEP INPUT' thingy is the culprit here, which when replaced by the good old square input is guaranteed to give one a beautiful pattern of ups and downs.

No! Definitely not! I'm not out of my rockers...yet. But the way things have been going for the past few days, I am convinced I soon will be.

I've been receiving text messages and calls for the past two days from readers enquiring me as to the state of affairs with the cat I mentioned in my previous posts. People seem to be more concerned with the creature that saw THE BOOK and scampered off within a second, than the poor bloke (ME!) who has to carry it around all day, trying to make sense out of it.

To be truthful, I have no actual knowledge of the fate of my feline friend. I doubt if I would ever know, because the creature has probably had enough of Measurements and Instrumentation to last it the rest of its nine lives. I couldn't agree more with its sentiments towards the subject. But I cannot take the easy way out and scamper off like the cat did...this is my curse and I have to put up with it at least till next week when I'd have finished the exam.

All this studying is having a rather bad effect on me...made my head spin violently the other day when I was thinking about it and almost slipped down the stairs. Speaking of slipping down stairs, I am reminded of a 'small' accident a friend of mine met with, as a result of which he finds himself able to lie down flat, stand, walk about, study and indulge in every activity he wants to... except for anything that involves sitting down, which he can't do without subjecting himself to considerable pain. The story goes thus:

This certain chappie we call 'Geth' (don't ask why) is one of the 'Exceptionally Exceptional cases' in the college...exceptional enough to want to climb 2 sets of stairs to reach floor 3 from floor 1, to borrow a book that contained the definition for... er...I forgot the term...it had something to do with organic chemistry I guess...Coming back to the point, our friend 'Geth', successful in his quest descends to floor 1 in the most dramatic manner possible. While climbing down the stairs, an ecstatic 'Geth' missed steps 1, 2, 3, hit step 4 on his bottom, missed step 5 and finally landed on step 6, again on his bottom. All this missing and landing steps on his bottom took its toll on the same part, and he now has to adopt certain specialized procedures to go to the loo. Exactly how he does it is still one of the hostel's biggest mysteries...sigh... So much for exams...

Yawn...the third day...

Updating this blog seems to be turning into a daily habit; at least as far as the 'study' hols are concerned. Whenever asked, everyone my friends respond with the same answer, "Study hols na? That's why this guy is this vetti (Jobless, bored and lazy...all at the same time. That's the beauty of Tamil literature...)". This got on my nerves after sometime. I've been doing a lot of stuff each day. Watching mega serials, looking out for feline population that might raid the kitchen anytime, and...I guess the reader gets the idea. But quite obviously, no parent would approve of this state of affairs, and my parents are no exception. Hence every time they ask the routine, "Are you studying?", though I can think of a dozen more things I could tell them I'd been doing without being untruthful, I respond with a sincere "Yes mom", or "Yes pop".

This got to my conscience after sometime. Though 'studying', especially during 'study' hols is a habit I look upon with the least adoration, I had to do it. It was a very tough decision, but I simply had to 'study'. Also, studying now would possibly rescue me from the fate of studying for possible arrear papers, which would be even worse, as arrear exams are held during the semester holidays.

Thus on the third day of study holidays, at approximately 8 a.m., I started studying.

On the third day of study holidays, at approximately 8:02:07 a.m., I made an important discovery. I didn't have anything to study from, apart from the one book I had. And for half an hour I sat there, looking at the syllabus. Then there was this voice inside my head that told me that sitting and looking at the syllabus wasn't going to help, and that I better go out, buy myself a couple of books. And off I went, to the old book market in ukkadam, determined to hold on to my resolution. Just when I got off the bus, after an hour's journey, the voice inside my head asked me to check my wallet and I found it empty, like two days ago. The hunt for the ATM began, which took me on a journey that covered 75% of the roads in ukkadam before I found one, a few feet away from the point I started.

I finally reached the market at 1.05, only to find it locked. I learnt from a kind passerby that the Muslims who ran the market had gone to the mosque, to offer their afternoon prayers. It was after another half an hour of waiting under the hot sun that I was able to get the books I came for. The journey back home took an hour and half and I felt like I'd been washed, squeezed and hanged out to dry by the time I was back home.

Back in my room, I remember opening one of the books at 3 p.m.

The next thing I remember doing is waking up at 6 p.m.

I had a wash and resumed the chore I started at 3 before drowsiness got the better of me. With every page I turned I discovered that there was more that I did not know, than I ever would. Yawn..! Sleepy already...will be back tomorrow I guess, with another story.

And yeah, no luck with the dumb cat; didn't get to see it today.

A cowardly cat? Or a stupid me?

Call it boredom, call it a literary rampage or call it madness, but here I am, with my second post in two days after a three month break from blogging. The story continues where I left off yesterday. I bickered, blackmailed and begged, but my cousin refused to bunk college to keep me company today. The excuse she gave was that she was likely to face an enquiry by her HOD in case she bunked, as a lot of other people (the better-brained ones, in my opinion) had decided to bunk and the class would be virtually empty. What a waste of a chance! I personally feel that facing enquiries is one of the most fun things to do in college. But anyway, at 8 a.m. sharp, off went the lone warrior to class, to save herself from an enquiry.

The dhobi was too busy today to engage himself in the routine quarrel, a point which he made with the least subtlety to my uncle. I could see a lot of disappointed faces peering over the walls of the nearby houses. After roaming around the house with the book for about an hour, and a breakfast (uncle thinks cooking is his hidden talent; I'd prefer it remained that way, well hidden), I settled in front of the TV with the book. He left for work soon and I remembered the appointment I had with the cat that was supposed to creep into the kitchen.

I began preparing myself mentally for this meeting. I seriously doubted felines would be impressed with the "Bond, James Bond" kind of intro. I needed to gain the cat's trust and friendship at any cost, for otherwise the day would have to be spent without any company. Now another question erupted inside the volcano that my brain is. Was it a 'guy' cat, or a 'gal' cat that I was to be seeing? This got me thinking seriously. 'Guy' cats, I thought, would be easy to manage and make friends with, as long as they didn't keep knocking down vessels off the shelves. But earning the trust of 'gal' cats would definitely be tough. Cat or not, they'd definitely doubt my intentions. And even if I was successful, there was always this danger of the 'gal' cat getting carried too far...er...I guess the reader understands. I was pondering over this, when suddenly the thundering noise of a vessel hitting the floor and a loud "miaow" shattered the peace of the still house.

I rushed into the kitchen, with the book in my hand, for that was the source of this disturbance. And there it was, right in front of me, standing on 4 legs. We stared at each other for a second. Blink. And then I was doing the staring alone, for one look at me and my feline buddy was out of the window in a flash. The whole incident shook me. I regained my senses and started pondering what it was about me that had scared a perfectly brave cat into running for its life? It was then that I noticed the 1134 pages book in my hand and cursed myself. Even the most courageous of cats would've had a heart attack on seeing a guy rush into a room, armed with a copy of "Electrical and Electronics Measurement and Instrumentation". The cursed book never did anyone good, except during life threatening situations where it could be a lethal weapon or in class, as a good substitute for a pillow. Now it had scared the poor little cat away even before we got a chance to know each other. No long chats, no evening dinners...it was all gone. Bloody heck, I didn't even get a chance to know if it was a 'guy' cat or a 'gal' cat.

I spent the rest of the afternoon lamenting on how different things could've been between the cat and me had I had the sense not to go charging into the kitchen with the book in my hand and scare the living daylights out of the four legged creature. The day wasn't very eventful after that incident and I spent the rest of it cursing the bloody book. Sigh...hope I have a happier ending for tomorrow's story...

‘Study’ Holidays : The forgotten pickle and the cat that never came.

For the fourth time in my college life, I am entering the period of time widely regarded by students (of course, there are certain exceptional cases) to be one of the dumbest things in their lives (assignments are a close second). For 'study' holidays aren't holidays in the sense that you can watch 3 movies a day, spend hours online, hang about street corners with friends, and indulge in every activity frowned upon by parents who'd like to see some grades on their children's grade sheets, but you end up doing all that anyway. Indeed, I have seen many of my fellow 'engineers' react with shock and astonishment of the most violent nature when confronted with the fact that 'study' holidays are meant for 'studying'.

I decided to spend my 'study' holidays at my cousin's place this time, the idea being that my cousin being one of those exceptional cases I talked about would induce in me a sense of dread and fear of low grades, which I've never been subject to, yet. So here I am, at my cousin's place, loaded with my laptop, a couple of jeans, cell phone, ATM card, three novels and...er...yeah...a book which people said contained the subject matter for the first exam. To my dismay, I learnt that the exceptional case born to my father's sister had classes for the next five days and I would be spending that time inside a house with only the cat that kept creeping into the kitchen for company, from 8 a.m. to 3p.m. and from 5 p.m. to 6.p.m. (the cat mysteriously disappears from 3 to 5 everyday).

This is the first day of the 'study' hols and I am already off my rockers. I woke up at 4.30 a.m. in the morning. The reader must not be misled by this, for my waking up at 4.30 had absolutely no academic reasons whatever. It was a bad dream and mosquitoes that committed this heinous crime of waking a guy up at such an unearthly hour. The rest of the morning was spent downloading movies from the internet ('study' hols, aren't they?).

At small town Pollachi, where my cousin's house is, one doesn't get to hear cars and buses screeching all the time. The chief source of entertainment in the morning is the quarrel between my uncle and the local dhobi, which from what I heard, attracted quite a crowd daily. After that, came his efforts to wake my cousin up, which were equally entertaining. Once the herculean task is complete, it is his job to pack her lunch and do other stuff. Only after packing her off to college does he realise that he'd forgotten to pack in some pickle along with the curd rice and starts lamenting about what kind of hell he has in store when his dear daughter returned.

At approximately around 10, he leaves and I start looking for the feline company I was promised. I got bored after waiting for sometime; it was most rude of the cat not to turn up punctually just when I needed company. I decided to, like my fellow college gentlemen, roam around whatever was there in that small town. Only then do I realise that I'd have to be doing it by bus (yes, they've got buses here) because my uncle had taken the two wheeler to work. Cursing my cruel fate, I stepped out into the hot sun and started waiting for a bus.

12:10 Am waiting.

12:20 Am waiting.

12:30 Am still waiting.

12:40 No sign of anything that remotely resembles a bus.

12:45 I finally get the brilliant idea of asking a passerby when I'd be getting a bus.

He tells me that the regular bus has been cancelled and I'd have to walk for 10 minutes, bearing the wrath of lord Surya to another place where I was promised a bus to the town for every 5 minutes. I reach the mentioned spot, take the promised bus, and after having my bones rattled in it for 15 minutes, reach my destination.

First things first: I need to top up my mobile phone.

Zeroth things are more important: I find my purse empty. I need an ATM.

This quest of mine kept me busy for the next half an hour, and the sun god was still unrelenting. I finally find the ATM, get my cash out, top up my phone and after which I'm too tired to do anything else. I head to the local supermarket, climb up and down its 4 floors 5 times to find the place where I could buy some blank DVDs. I finally find them at the electronics section hidden well behind the medicine one. After this comes a bumpy auto ride home and 4 more hours of loneliness (the bloody cat never turned up, I kept waiting in the kitchen), a couple of self-made coffees (Another one of those hidden talents?) and my uncle at 5. He was pleased to find the house still in one piece after it spent 7 hours putting up with me. He still hadn't returned to complete sanity though, obsessed with the forgotten pickle.

By 6, the Girl Without The Pickle arrives, and I find myself in eager anticipation of another hour of solid entertainment, only to be cheated, for my cousin hadn't opened the lunch box at all. Thanking his lucky stars my uncle resumed his duties in the kitchen, my cousin resumed hers in front of the TV, and I was back in my room with the book I brought. And thus ends the day.

Studying? Er...ok...I'll admit it. I've been guilty of studying a few pages in the afternoon, but this was out of sheer boredom. I couldn't watch mega serials for more than a couple of hours, seriously.

And yeah, I still have a score to settle with that unruly cat when it comes tomorrow.

The Motor, the lioness and the herd of buffaloes in my bedroom

Though not a devout Christian (no way I can be one....am neither devout nor Christian) it was with a considerable amount of eagerness that I was looking forward to the Christmas holidays, the idea being to spend 5 whole days at my cousin's place free from all records, observations, classes and all such kinds of brain-degrading toxic issues, that plague the life of an engineering student. So on Thursday evening, with happiness and sunshine...er...wait, there wasn't any sunshine...actually it was raining like hell. The point, anyway, is this: in spite of all the thundering clouds and heavy precipitation, my spirit wasn't dampened in the slightest (though my clothes were), as I set out to my cousin's place. After the hour and half long bus journey and a quarter hour's travel by auto-rickshaw, I was standing at the doorstep of my aunt's house (which is the same as my cousin's place, the aunt in question being the cousin's mother).

Hence it was with a bit of annoyance that I learnt that my fool of a cousin had decided to spend her time 'usefully' by doing some 'in-plant training' during the holidays. So there I was, left to myself and my cronies (my laptop and books) all day. And it was during this 5 day period that strange things began to happen...at night.

The motor started running at rated speed. We began to vary the position of the field rheostat of the generator to bring it to rated voltage. Suddenly the tachometer reading began to soar upwards all of its own. We started looking around frantically. The ammeter inched towards 24.6, 24.7, and 24. 8...the fuse blew up.

I woke up panting heavily. The time was 3 in the morning and I was in my bedroom at my cousin's place. Wiping my forehead, I returned to bed. Suddenly I realised I could still hear some kind of motor running...somewhere downstairs. I was too sleepy to check and dozed off. I forgot all about this incident the next day.

The cubs were playing with each other and the mom was looking at her kids play. The dad, His Majesty king Lion was lazily yawning. I took out my camera to get a picture of the happy family. Momma lioness wasn't very pleased and she started growling. And all of a sudden with a ferocious roar, she pounced...and I woke up again. Realising this was again a nightmare, I returned to bed, though I could still hear the growling inside my head...

Two days passed uneventfully and beginning to get bored, I decided to return to college the next day.

I was running like I've never done in my life. The herd of buffaloes were chasing me like I was a threat to their entire clan. It was an open ground that I was running about, with nowhere to hide. The buffaloes were gaining on me...closing up on me real fast. I tried ploughing through my memory, wondering if I had in the past, made any insulting statement about Laloo. I could feel the hot breath of the foremost of my pursuers on my back. At this point something told me that I had no business being chased by herds of buffaloes in the middle of the night in some open ground. And presto! I woke up. The door was unlocked and slightly ajar...I could still hear something that sounded like a buffalo snorting in disgust. Deciding to investigate, I descended down the stairs...

...

...

...

to find my cousin let out a snore that sounded like a 5KW DC motor, a growling lioness and a herd of buffaloes taking it in turns to huff, puff and snort in disgust, all combined.

Girl in Red

The Beautiful Girl In Red was staring at me with her beautiful wide eyes, which had in them a dreamy look, as if filled by mist. And then suddenly, it was this pair of ugly small eyes that I found glaring at me, which certainly did not belong to the Beautiful Girl In Red. It was at this point that a few interesting revelations that dawned upon me:

1. It was Monday afternoon and I was sitting in my lecture hall, which was definitely not the disco hall I had been dreaming about.

2. It, being the 3^rd hour, our classroom was inhabited by an extremely hostile being called the Solid State Devices lecturer.

3. And the ugly pair of eyes belonged to him.

4. He had caught me sleeping for the 4^th time that hour.

By reflex, I adopted the standard measures followed in such situations of emergency. My face twisted into an intelligent, concentrating frown, and my head started nodding in the most understanding manner, as though I was aware of, and empathised with the lecturer’s innermost thoughts and feelings.

And the inevitable happened.

Fifteen seconds later I found myself walking along the corridor towards the toilet to wash my face, as ordered. It was during that brief interval from the boredom and dreariness of class that I started musing on how things had been turning out all day.

It all began that morning when I woke up with horror at having overslept. I opened my record file to find that I still had 3 graphs to complete before the lab session in the morning. Bathing in mornings had become a long forgotten habit. Still having one more graph to go, I rushed to class early enough so that I could reserve myself a seat in the coveted back rows. Having settled myself into one, I resumed work on the graph when my phone started buzzing and to my horror I realised it wasn’t in silent mode. I thanked God class hadn’t still started and took it out. It was my roommate no.1 (roommate nos.2,3,4,5 and 6 being the lizard, 3 spiders and the upper floor chappie who perpetually hangs out in our room) calling from the neighbouring room guy’s phone. He had left his key above the door while leaving to take a bath (dirty habit, as I call it). Five minutes later, he’s finished with the bathing thing and he returns only to find that the Door With The Room Key Above It isn’t quite the Door With The Room Key Above It as much as it is the Door Without The Room Key Above It. So now what we have is a Door Without A Room Key Above It, But With A Completely Baffled Guy Wrapped In A Towel in front of it.

Cursing myself and the stupid room key that was conspicuous by its absence, I started on my way back to the hostel with my own room key, with the intention of relieving the Roommate In Distress. On the way, I ran into this Chappie, whom we shall refer to as Chappie 43513 (no particular reason for the number...just a whimJ). Now Chappie 43513 is highly interested in knowing why I am heading in the direction of the hostel with only 5 minutes left for class. I explain the situation to him in as few words as possible.

Blink.

Blink.

The blinking this time was not mine, for a change. It was Chappie 45313’s. Before I could enquire as to the reason, he put his hand inside his pocket with the mystery of a magician about to pull a rabbit out of his hat. And out came not a rabbit, but something far more baffling. The Room Key That Was Supposed To Be Above The Door. He told me that he’d found it above our room door and had attributed it to my absent-mindedness.

I sent Chappie 45313 back with the assignment of reliving The Roommate In Distress and came back to attend to my graphs and tables.

Lab that day wasn’t very eventful, except for the fact that I had to walk between the staff table and my experiment table 23 times, each time with a different correction to be made on my record before it was finally accepted as satisfactory.

And after lunch, here we return, back to class, dreaming about Beautiful Girls In red turtle necks, only to be interrupted by Solid State Lecs with Ugly Eyes. Sigh...have taken long enough to wash my face...better be returning to class...