Tubelight

The Black Sheep

2008-05-08T08:29:00.001+05:30

What is bored, annoyed, has no worthwhile business, spends 13 hours a day online and watches 4 movies a day?

Superman
Dr. Manmohan Singh
Captain Vijayakant
A EEE student in his semester holidays

An easy question to answer, if one can see through the twists, I would say. At first look, the choices may baffle the slightly lesser brained, but this question should pose little difficulty for the brighter specimens of our race. One only needs to employ the process of elimination to arrive at the right answer. The process can be explained as follows:

Let us consider the first choice, namely Superman. Superman, as we all know is...well, superman. He is generally considered to be, in addition to other things such as America's best underwear model, a superhero. You know, those chaps who go around the place doing all sorts of useless stuff such as protecting the world, saving aeroplanes that are about to crash, capturing bank robbers, and the like. These chaps are helpful indeed, but all they end up doing is work, which honestly speaking has to be done by law enforcement agencies worldwide, and as a result they are only making people lazier than they already are. Coming back, the point that is clear from the above description of a standard superhero's activities, that Superman has more important things to do than to spend 6 hours a day on orkut. Hence choice 1 can be eliminated.

The second choice, now. Dr. Manmohan Singh (The Dr. Manmohan Singh) as we all know has a rather important government job, that of the Prime Minister. While there strictly is no law that restricts him from watching 4 movies a day, and do all those things that are mentioned in the question, the voters wouldn't be very pleased if they come to know about it. Also, the man has opposition parties to answer to in the parliament, and hence we can assume safely that he isn't the culprit.

...

Ok...alright, Captain Vijayakant, the One Man Army of Kollywood. He is, in the words of Vivek, the man who has fought terrorists from Kashmir to Kanyakumari. Best known for his bullet-dodging action sequences (in one of which the bullet bounces off his chest and goes back to where it came from), he is the man who has provoked many a "Enna kodumai Saravana!" from his audience. He is, undoubtedly Tamil cinema's reply to Superman. He is usually busy fighting Pakistani terrorists and dodging their bullets while bashing up a couple of rowdies during his break hours. Added to that, he now has a political party to take care of. So it is rather unlikely that he should be guilty of the activities mentioned in the question.

The last option: The EEE student in his semester holidays. It would be impossible to justify his watching 4 movies or being online 13 hours a day saying he needs a well deserved break after working hard during the semester exams as evidence points otherwise. But when you delve deeper into his mind (he has one, just that it doesn't work most of the time), one can see that he has nothing else to do. Perfectly Vetti, to quote my Mechanics of Solids lecturer. Hence by the process of elimination we can conclude that the culprit is the EEE student... Which is me, as far as this blog is concerned...sigh...time to start my third movie for the day...signing off here...

P.S. This was the answer I wrote for the 14 th question in my Science of Creativity paper. Tell me if it was creative enough.

Ze Beauty of Ze Elektronik Zircoots

2008-04-15T20:13:00.001+05:30

Life has in store its own ups and downs for everyone. So is the case with the output of a 'HIGH PASS RC CIRCUIT EXCITED BY A SQUARE WAVE INPUT' according to a certain Mr. U.A. Bakshi, as he states in his book on Electronic circuits. This however, is not the case with the output of a 'HIGH PASS RC CIRCUIT WITH A STEP INPUT'. No ups or downs here...only an exponentially decreasing curve (which so perfectly represents my inclination to study plotted against time). Why? Well Mr. Bakshi seems to be strongly convinced that the 'STEP INPUT' thingy is the culprit here, which when replaced by the good old square input is guaranteed to give one a beautiful pattern of ups and downs.

No! Definitely not! I'm not out of my rockers...yet. But the way things have been going for the past few days, I am convinced I soon will be.

I've been receiving text messages and calls for the past two days from readers enquiring me as to the state of affairs with the cat I mentioned in my previous posts. People seem to be more concerned with the creature that saw THE BOOK and scampered off within a second, than the poor bloke (ME!) who has to carry it around all day, trying to make sense out of it.

To be truthful, I have no actual knowledge of the fate of my feline friend. I doubt if I would ever know, because the creature has probably had enough of Measurements and Instrumentation to last it the rest of its nine lives. I couldn't agree more with its sentiments towards the subject. But I cannot take the easy way out and scamper off like the cat did...this is my curse and I have to put up with it at least till next week when I'd have finished the exam.

All this studying is having a rather bad effect on me...made my head spin violently the other day when I was thinking about it and almost slipped down the stairs. Speaking of slipping down stairs, I am reminded of a 'small' accident a friend of mine met with, as a result of which he finds himself able to lie down flat, stand, walk about, study and indulge in every activity he wants to... except for anything that involves sitting down, which he can't do without subjecting himself to considerable pain. The story goes thus:

This certain chappie we call 'Geth' (don't ask why) is one of the 'Exceptionally Exceptional cases' in the college...exceptional enough to want to climb 2 sets of stairs to reach floor 3 from floor 1, to borrow a book that contained the definition for... er...I forgot the term...it had something to do with organic chemistry I guess...Coming back to the point, our friend 'Geth', successful in his quest descends to floor 1 in the most dramatic manner possible. While climbing down the stairs, an ecstatic 'Geth' missed steps 1, 2, 3, hit step 4 on his bottom, missed step 5 and finally landed on step 6, again on his bottom. All this missing and landing steps on his bottom took its toll on the same part, and he now has to adopt certain specialized procedures to go to the loo. Exactly how he does it is still one of the hostel's biggest mysteries...sigh... So much for exams...

Yawn...the third day...

2008-04-12T07:27:00.003+05:30

Updating this blog seems to be turning into a daily habit; at least as far as the 'study' hols are concerned. Whenever asked, everyone my friends respond with the same answer, "Study hols na? That's why this guy is this vetti (Jobless, bored and lazy...all at the same time. That's the beauty of Tamil literature...)". This got on my nerves after sometime. I've been doing a lot of stuff each day. Watching mega serials, looking out for feline population that might raid the kitchen anytime, and...I guess the reader gets the idea. But quite obviously, no parent would approve of this state of affairs, and my parents are no exception. Hence every time they ask the routine, "Are you studying?", though I can think of a dozen more things I could tell them I'd been doing without being untruthful, I respond with a sincere "Yes mom", or "Yes pop".

This got to my conscience after sometime. Though 'studying', especially during 'study' hols is a habit I look upon with the least adoration, I had to do it. It was a very tough decision, but I simply had to 'study'. Also, studying now would possibly rescue me from the fate of studying for possible arrear papers, which would be even worse, as arrear exams are held during the semester holidays.

Thus on the third day of study holidays, at approximately 8 a.m., I started studying.

On the third day of study holidays, at approximately 8:02:07 a.m., I made an important discovery. I didn't have anything to study from, apart from the one book I had. And for half an hour I sat there, looking at the syllabus. Then there was this voice inside my head that told me that sitting and looking at the syllabus wasn't going to help, and that I better go out, buy myself a couple of books. And off I went, to the old book market in ukkadam, determined to hold on to my resolution. Just when I got off the bus, after an hour's journey, the voice inside my head asked me to check my wallet and I found it empty, like two days ago. The hunt for the ATM began, which took me on a journey that covered 75% of the roads in ukkadam before I found one, a few feet away from the point I started.

I finally reached the market at 1.05, only to find it locked. I learnt from a kind passerby that the Muslims who ran the market had gone to the mosque, to offer their afternoon prayers. It was after another half an hour of waiting under the hot sun that I was able to get the books I came for. The journey back home took an hour and half and I felt like I'd been washed, squeezed and hanged out to dry by the time I was back home.

Back in my room, I remember opening one of the books at 3 p.m.

The next thing I remember doing is waking up at 6 p.m.

I had a wash and resumed the chore I started at 3 before drowsiness got the better of me. With every page I turned I discovered that there was more that I did not know, than I ever would. Yawn..! Sleepy already...will be back tomorrow I guess, with another story.

And yeah, no luck with the dumb cat; didn't get to see it today.

A cowardly cat? Or a stupid me?

2008-04-11T00:52:00.001+05:30

Call it boredom, call it a literary rampage or call it madness, but here I am, with my second post in two days after a three month break from blogging. The story continues where I left off yesterday. I bickered, blackmailed and begged, but my cousin refused to bunk college to keep me company today. The excuse she gave was that she was likely to face an enquiry by her HOD in case she bunked, as a lot of other people (the better-brained ones, in my opinion) had decided to bunk and the class would be virtually empty. What a waste of a chance! I personally feel that facing enquiries is one of the most fun things to do in college. But anyway, at 8 a.m. sharp, off went the lone warrior to class, to save herself from an enquiry.

The dhobi was too busy today to engage himself in the routine quarrel, a point which he made with the least subtlety to my uncle. I could see a lot of disappointed faces peering over the walls of the nearby houses. After roaming around the house with the book for about an hour, and a breakfast (uncle thinks cooking is his hidden talent; I'd prefer it remained that way, well hidden), I settled in front of the TV with the book. He left for work soon and I remembered the appointment I had with the cat that was supposed to creep into the kitchen.

I began preparing myself mentally for this meeting. I seriously doubted felines would be impressed with the "Bond, James Bond" kind of intro. I needed to gain the cat's trust and friendship at any cost, for otherwise the day would have to be spent without any company. Now another question erupted inside the volcano that my brain is. Was it a 'guy' cat, or a 'gal' cat that I was to be seeing? This got me thinking seriously. 'Guy' cats, I thought, would be easy to manage and make friends with, as long as they didn't keep knocking down vessels off the shelves. But earning the trust of 'gal' cats would definitely be tough. Cat or not, they'd definitely doubt my intentions. And even if I was successful, there was always this danger of the 'gal' cat getting carried too far...er...I guess the reader understands. I was pondering over this, when suddenly the thundering noise of a vessel hitting the floor and a loud "miaow" shattered the peace of the still house.

I rushed into the kitchen, with the book in my hand, for that was the source of this disturbance. And there it was, right in front of me, standing on 4 legs. We stared at each other for a second. Blink. And then I was doing the staring alone, for one look at me and my feline buddy was out of the window in a flash. The whole incident shook me. I regained my senses and started pondering what it was about me that had scared a perfectly brave cat into running for its life? It was then that I noticed the 1134 pages book in my hand and cursed myself. Even the most courageous of cats would've had a heart attack on seeing a guy rush into a room, armed with a copy of "Electrical and Electronics Measurement and Instrumentation". The cursed book never did anyone good, except during life threatening situations where it could be a lethal weapon or in class, as a good substitute for a pillow. Now it had scared the poor little cat away even before we got a chance to know each other. No long chats, no evening dinners...it was all gone. Bloody heck, I didn't even get a chance to know if it was a 'guy' cat or a 'gal' cat.

I spent the rest of the afternoon lamenting on how different things could've been between the cat and me had I had the sense not to go charging into the kitchen with the book in my hand and scare the living daylights out of the four legged creature. The day wasn't very eventful after that incident and I spent the rest of it cursing the bloody book. Sigh...hope I have a happier ending for tomorrow's story...

‘Study’ Holidays : The forgotten pickle and the cat that never came.

2008-04-10T07:28:00.001+05:30

For the fourth time in my college life, I am entering the period of time widely regarded by students (of course, there are certain exceptional cases) to be one of the dumbest things in their lives (assignments are a close second). For 'study' holidays aren't holidays in the sense that you can watch 3 movies a day, spend hours online, hang about street corners with friends, and indulge in every activity frowned upon by parents who'd like to see some grades on their children's grade sheets, but you end up doing all that anyway. Indeed, I have seen many of my fellow 'engineers' react with shock and astonishment of the most violent nature when confronted with the fact that 'study' holidays are meant for 'studying'.

I decided to spend my 'study' holidays at my cousin's place this time, the idea being that my cousin being one of those exceptional cases I talked about would induce in me a sense of dread and fear of low grades, which I've never been subject to, yet. So here I am, at my cousin's place, loaded with my laptop, a couple of jeans, cell phone, ATM card, three novels and...er...yeah...a book which people said contained the subject matter for the first exam. To my dismay, I learnt that the exceptional case born to my father's sister had classes for the next five days and I would be spending that time inside a house with only the cat that kept creeping into the kitchen for company, from 8 a.m. to 3p.m. and from 5 p.m. to 6.p.m. (the cat mysteriously disappears from 3 to 5 everyday).

This is the first day of the 'study' hols and I am already off my rockers. I woke up at 4.30 a.m. in the morning. The reader must not be misled by this, for my waking up at 4.30 had absolutely no academic reasons whatever. It was a bad dream and mosquitoes that committed this heinous crime of waking a guy up at such an unearthly hour. The rest of the morning was spent downloading movies from the internet ('study' hols, aren't they?).

At small town Pollachi, where my cousin's house is, one doesn't get to hear cars and buses screeching all the time. The chief source of entertainment in the morning is the quarrel between my uncle and the local dhobi, which from what I heard, attracted quite a crowd daily. After that, came his efforts to wake my cousin up, which were equally entertaining. Once the herculean task is complete, it is his job to pack her lunch and do other stuff. Only after packing her off to college does he realise that he'd forgotten to pack in some pickle along with the curd rice and starts lamenting about what kind of hell he has in store when his dear daughter returned.

At approximately around 10, he leaves and I start looking for the feline company I was promised. I got bored after waiting for sometime; it was most rude of the cat not to turn up punctually just when I needed company. I decided to, like my fellow college gentlemen, roam around whatever was there in that small town. Only then do I realise that I'd have to be doing it by bus (yes, they've got buses here) because my uncle had taken the two wheeler to work. Cursing my cruel fate, I stepped out into the hot sun and started waiting for a bus.

12:10 Am waiting.

12:20 Am waiting.

12:30 Am still waiting.

12:40 No sign of anything that remotely resembles a bus.

12:45 I finally get the brilliant idea of asking a passerby when I'd be getting a bus.

He tells me that the regular bus has been cancelled and I'd have to walk for 10 minutes, bearing the wrath of lord Surya to another place where I was promised a bus to the town for every 5 minutes. I reach the mentioned spot, take the promised bus, and after having my bones rattled in it for 15 minutes, reach my destination.

First things first: I need to top up my mobile phone.

Zeroth things are more important: I find my purse empty. I need an ATM.

This quest of mine kept me busy for the next half an hour, and the sun god was still unrelenting. I finally find the ATM, get my cash out, top up my phone and after which I'm too tired to do anything else. I head to the local supermarket, climb up and down its 4 floors 5 times to find the place where I could buy some blank DVDs. I finally find them at the electronics section hidden well behind the medicine one. After this comes a bumpy auto ride home and 4 more hours of loneliness (the bloody cat never turned up, I kept waiting in the kitchen), a couple of self-made coffees (Another one of those hidden talents?) and my uncle at 5. He was pleased to find the house still in one piece after it spent 7 hours putting up with me. He still hadn't returned to complete sanity though, obsessed with the forgotten pickle.

By 6, the Girl Without The Pickle arrives, and I find myself in eager anticipation of another hour of solid entertainment, only to be cheated, for my cousin hadn't opened the lunch box at all. Thanking his lucky stars my uncle resumed his duties in the kitchen, my cousin resumed hers in front of the TV, and I was back in my room with the book I brought. And thus ends the day.

Studying? Er...ok...I'll admit it. I've been guilty of studying a few pages in the afternoon, but this was out of sheer boredom. I couldn't watch mega serials for more than a couple of hours, seriously.

And yeah, I still have a score to settle with that unruly cat when it comes tomorrow.

The Motor, the lioness and the herd of buffaloes in my bedroom

2007-12-24T13:06:00.001+05:30

Though not a devout Christian (no way I can be one....am neither devout nor Christian) it was with a considerable amount of eagerness that I was looking forward to the Christmas holidays, the idea being to spend 5 whole days at my cousin's place free from all records, observations, classes and all such kinds of brain-degrading toxic issues, that plague the life of an engineering student. So on Thursday evening, with happiness and sunshine...er...wait, there wasn't any sunshine...actually it was raining like hell. The point, anyway, is this: in spite of all the thundering clouds and heavy precipitation, my spirit wasn't dampened in the slightest (though my clothes were), as I set out to my cousin's place. After the hour and half long bus journey and a quarter hour's travel by auto-rickshaw, I was standing at the doorstep of my aunt's house (which is the same as my cousin's place, the aunt in question being the cousin's mother).

Hence it was with a bit of annoyance that I learnt that my fool of a cousin had decided to spend her time 'usefully' by doing some 'in-plant training' during the holidays. So there I was, left to myself and my cronies (my laptop and books) all day. And it was during this 5 day period that strange things began to happen...at night.

The motor started running at rated speed. We began to vary the position of the field rheostat of the generator to bring it to rated voltage. Suddenly the tachometer reading began to soar upwards all of its own. We started looking around frantically. The ammeter inched towards 24.6, 24.7, and 24. 8...the fuse blew up.

I woke up panting heavily. The time was 3 in the morning and I was in my bedroom at my cousin's place. Wiping my forehead, I returned to bed. Suddenly I realised I could still hear some kind of motor running...somewhere downstairs. I was too sleepy to check and dozed off. I forgot all about this incident the next day.

The cubs were playing with each other and the mom was looking at her kids play. The dad, His Majesty king Lion was lazily yawning. I took out my camera to get a picture of the happy family. Momma lioness wasn't very pleased and she started growling. And all of a sudden with a ferocious roar, she pounced...and I woke up again. Realising this was again a nightmare, I returned to bed, though I could still hear the growling inside my head...

Two days passed uneventfully and beginning to get bored, I decided to return to college the next day.

I was running like I've never done in my life. The herd of buffaloes were chasing me like I was a threat to their entire clan. It was an open ground that I was running about, with nowhere to hide. The buffaloes were gaining on me...closing up on me real fast. I tried ploughing through my memory, wondering if I had in the past, made any insulting statement about Laloo. I could feel the hot breath of the foremost of my pursuers on my back. At this point something told me that I had no business being chased by herds of buffaloes in the middle of the night in some open ground. And presto! I woke up. The door was unlocked and slightly ajar...I could still hear something that sounded like a buffalo snorting in disgust. Deciding to investigate, I descended down the stairs...

...

to find my cousin let out a snore that sounded like a 5KW DC motor, a growling lioness and a herd of buffaloes taking it in turns to huff, puff and snort in disgust, all combined.

Girl in Red

2007-12-21T12:26:00.000+05:30

The Beautiful Girl In Red was staring at me with her beautiful wide eyes, which had in them a dreamy look, as if filled by mist. And then suddenly, it was this pair of ugly small eyes that I found glaring at me, which certainly did not belong to the Beautiful Girl In Red. It was at this point that a few interesting revelations that dawned upon me:

1. It was Monday afternoon and I was sitting in my lecture hall, which was definitely not the disco hall I had been dreaming about.

2. It, being the 3^rd hour, our classroom was inhabited by an extremely hostile being called the Solid State Devices lecturer.

3. And the ugly pair of eyes belonged to him.

4. He had caught me sleeping for the 4^th time that hour.

By reflex, I adopted the standard measures followed in such situations of emergency. My face twisted into an intelligent, concentrating frown, and my head started nodding in the most understanding manner, as though I was aware of, and empathised with the lecturer’s innermost thoughts and feelings.

And the inevitable happened.

Fifteen seconds later I found myself walking along the corridor towards the toilet to wash my face, as ordered. It was during that brief interval from the boredom and dreariness of class that I started musing on how things had been turning out all day.

It all began that morning when I woke up with horror at having overslept. I opened my record file to find that I still had 3 graphs to complete before the lab session in the morning. Bathing in mornings had become a long forgotten habit. Still having one more graph to go, I rushed to class early enough so that I could reserve myself a seat in the coveted back rows. Having settled myself into one, I resumed work on the graph when my phone started buzzing and to my horror I realised it wasn’t in silent mode. I thanked God class hadn’t still started and took it out. It was my roommate no.1 (roommate nos.2,3,4,5 and 6 being the lizard, 3 spiders and the upper floor chappie who perpetually hangs out in our room) calling from the neighbouring room guy’s phone. He had left his key above the door while leaving to take a bath (dirty habit, as I call it). Five minutes later, he’s finished with the bathing thing and he returns only to find that the Door With The Room Key Above It isn’t quite the Door With The Room Key Above It as much as it is the Door Without The Room Key Above It. So now what we have is a Door Without A Room Key Above It, But With A Completely Baffled Guy Wrapped In A Towel in front of it.

Cursing myself and the stupid room key that was conspicuous by its absence, I started on my way back to the hostel with my own room key, with the intention of relieving the Roommate In Distress. On the way, I ran into this Chappie, whom we shall refer to as Chappie 43513 (no particular reason for the number...just a whimJ). Now Chappie 43513 is highly interested in knowing why I am heading in the direction of the hostel with only 5 minutes left for class. I explain the situation to him in as few words as possible.

Blink.

The blinking this time was not mine, for a change. It was Chappie 45313’s. Before I could enquire as to the reason, he put his hand inside his pocket with the mystery of a magician about to pull a rabbit out of his hat. And out came not a rabbit, but something far more baffling. The Room Key That Was Supposed To Be Above The Door. He told me that he’d found it above our room door and had attributed it to my absent-mindedness.

I sent Chappie 45313 back with the assignment of reliving The Roommate In Distress and came back to attend to my graphs and tables.

Lab that day wasn’t very eventful, except for the fact that I had to walk between the staff table and my experiment table 23 times, each time with a different correction to be made on my record before it was finally accepted as satisfactory.

And after lunch, here we return, back to class, dreaming about Beautiful Girls In red turtle necks, only to be interrupted by Solid State Lecs with Ugly Eyes. Sigh...have taken long enough to wash my face...better be returning to class...

Hell...art thou rechristened EEE lab?!

2007-07-01T17:35:00.000+05:30

If the reader might have enough patience to actually scroll down to one of my pervious posts, titled ‘Blown Fuse’ in which the author(which refers to me) has so accurately portrayed the plight of innocent and angelic(and certain not so innocent or angelic) first year engineering students in the wiring lab, you might find that more than one of the gentlemen who were kind enough to comment had warned him about the impending doom that was called ‘EEE lab’(Pera kettale summa adhirudhilla?!). Whew! That was one long sentence, wasn’t it? Anyway, this post is about the author’s (referring to me, again) experiences in EEE lab, or Machines lab, as we call it.

They say hell is a real unpleasant place. I mean if you want to have a nice mug of cold coffee with a friend and enjoy a nice chat, hell, definitely is not the first place you will consider for venue. I, in fact would have it at the bottom of my ‘List of Places to Have a Nice Chat With a Friend’. The obvious reason being the fact, that hell, being hot, would not keep your cold coffee cold for a very long time. The other more obvious reason would be the fact that you ought to be dead first in order to step into that place. I discovered soon that the above statement need not be necessarily true, i.e. you need not be dead at all in order to enter hell. Oh yes, I was very much alive when I entered EEE lab the first time.

The standard procedure inside EEE lab is as follows:

Enter lab with your observation book ready for the day’s experiment and the record for the previous week’s experiment, failing which you are thrown out.
Apply the lab’s seal on the last page of the record and observation.
Answer the attendance and move over to the table containing the equipment for the day’s experiment.
Write the name plate details of the motor/generator/transformer you are going to perform the experiment on, in your observation book. Also calculate the ranges for the various meters and other measuring apparatus you will need to do the experiment. Fill these details in the circuit diagram and in the ‘Apparatus Required’ table.
Pick a staff member of your choice and get your circuit diagram valued by him or her. Also finish the viva voce test by answering their questions connected to the day’s experiment. The choice of staff doesn’t matter much unless your preparation is perfect. If one deducts marks for the circuit diagram, the other does the same for viva voce. If you’ve prepared well, you’d be wise to choose the person who deducts marks for viva voce.
Fill in a requisition slip for the apparatus you need and get it signed by a staff member. Hand it in and receive the apparatus you need.
Give the connections as given in the circuit diagram and have it verified by a staff member. After that, switch on the supply. If you failed to get the connections verified and the fuse blows, you get thrown out of the lab. (If you get the connections verified by a staff member and the fuse STILL BLOWS, they don’t throw the staff member out, though. You get scolded, instead.)
Proceed with the experiment.
After its done, sit down to do the calculations, if there is still time left.
Get the observation corrected within 2 days of completing the experiment.

That was quite a list, whew…! It took me 17 minutes to finish. Well, anyway you can see from the list that you have more ways to get out of the lab than to stay there. But the high levels of strictness is in fact, necessary, I should say. The reason being that people deal with high voltage equipment over there and must be careful with what they do over there. It is too early for me to write anything further about the lab, having attended only two lab sessions. Maybe will have more to write about it when I attend more classes.

Why I like EEE lab:

Interest…not kidding. Am seriously interested in the stuff.

They do not spoon-feed people. You are responsible for whatever happens to you or whatever you do in there.

You learn a lot if you prepare sincerely for each experiment.

Character building stuff…!!!

Why I do not like EEE lab:

It can be a real pain in the neck.

IT IS a real pain in the neck.

Have been writing EEE record for the past 2 hours…enough to make anyone go crazy.

sisi..vava..sisi..vava..sisi..vava...SIVAJI!!

2007-06-17T17:16:00.000+05:30

Sivaji, a Review:
Starring: Rajinikanth, Shriya, Vivek, Suman, Manivannan, Raghuvaran...etc
Director: Shankar
Produced by: AVM

Its been a 2 year gap for both director Shankar(since Anniyan) and superstar Rajini(since Chandramukhi) and I must say they've both made good use of these two years, coming up with a movie like Sivaji. Am not sure about the budget of this movie...various websites are coming up with different values, the average being 80 crores, and wikipedia stating it at 100 crores. Whichever it is, Sivaji definitely is the biggest in the history of tamil movie industry. Most of this seems to have been spent on the fighting and song sequences(and of course, the superstar's salary, from what i learnt from various websites) and they have come out real well, I must say. Well now...on to the movie itself...

Story wise, Sivaji doesn't really have anything new...it differs from a typical Shankar movie* in only 2 ways:

1. There is no 'flashback involving the death of a loved one which causes the hero to rise up against the forces of evil in the society' kind of thing.

2. A bit more of masala than a usual Shankar movie, but this is perfectly understandable, as the movie has the superstar himself in it.

Our hero Sivaji is a 'software systems architect' (as he tells his mom) returning from the US ater amassing loads of wealth which he wants to spend on building colleges and schools to give people free education and hospitals to give free treatment. Quite the thing expected from a wealthy hero. He wants to do things the perfectly legal way, however he soon finds that doing things the perfectly legal way is impossible in our country and that there is a price to be paid(literally) for anything, even if it is social service. After innumerable bribes he gets his dream project 'Sivaji Foundations' up and going. The villain Adi Seshan(played by Suman, who once played Rajini's younger brother in 'Thee') a powerful industrialist owning many colleges and hospitals is quite obviously not pleased with Sivaji's idea. He fears competition to his own colleges and hospitals and wants to stop Sivaji, at any cost.Using all his cunning and devious means(one of which involves changing the government...ahem) he succeeds in ruining our hero completely and bringing down the almost completed 'Sivaji Foundations' to rubble. And the second half sees our Hero on the 'Singa Paathai'(as he calls it) meaning the lion's path, cleaning up the system and achieving his goal.

The first half isn't very serious at all and is filled with humour by Rajini and Vivek, who plays Rajini's uncle in the movie. Yeah Rajini's uncle, you read that right. A fact he himself thinks is simply too much, in the movie("Naan onakku maamava? Idhu konjam overa illa?"). But the dutiful maama he is, trying sincerely to find a bride for his 'nephew'. After they zero in on TamizhSelvi(Shriya), its a laugh riot, the way Sivaji and his family try to what they call 'socialise' with the heroine and family. At a point Rajini even tries turning white(!) and he even succeds temporarily(!!). The heroine and her family eventually give in. In between come a couple of hero-heroine duets. I must make a special mention of the songs. They are a real treat to watch. The sets are exquisite and filled with grandeur. Anyway the first half ends with our hero on the street sans all money and property, with just one rupee in his hand which the villain gives him, suggesting that he try begging as a career option. And it is this one rupee that our hero uses to get back at the people who brought him to the street and to achieve his ultimate goal. How? Well, go watch the movie people...am not here to tell you the entire story!

The issue Shankar deals with in this movie is black money and free education (it was free education in Gentleman, bribery in Indian, corrupt politics in Mudhalvan and the irresponsible citizen in Anniyan). It is the second half of the movie that absolutely rocks, though. The movie is a bit long, but there's loads of stuff for the hero to do, so I think it's quite justified. There's quite a bit of matrix style fighting in there(running on walls and some fancy flying kicks and cool martial arts moves). A lot of the whole movie is unbelievable, but hey...this is kollywood, ain't it? And it's the superstar himself, man...so one can't really complain about it being unrealistic...Personally I think there's no problem with masala movies, as long as things don't get too stupid like bullets bouncing back from archanai plates(which they do in certain movies). As for the music...it is ARR, isn't it? What more could one want? The songs, as most of ARR's grow on you the more you listen to them. The background score is quite good, too.

And about whether if it was a Shankar movie or a Rajini movie...well...can't say for sure. Let me put it this way: It's a Shankar movie told Rajini's way.

Why you must watch the movie:
1.Shankar, Rajini and A.R.Rahman...think you'll ever see them together again?
2.Beautifully shot song sequences...worth watching only on the large screen.
3.A really cool and gripping second half...it really rocks.
4.Vivek: Definitely his best performance since Anniyan...playing sidekick to Rajini in all his ventures...like Goundamani was to Arjun in Gentleman. He also gets the best lines in the movie.

Why you may not see the movie:
If you are a really hardcore masala movie hater, stay away. Don't see the movie and complain that is isn't realistic...a film can be good even if it isn't realistic.

My favourite scenes:
1. The scene where Rajini negotiates with Suman, outside the tea stall.
2. Where Rajini tries to turn white for Shriya.

My favourite lines:

1. Chittoor thandina Kaatpadi, Sivaji adichcha dead body...!!-Vivek
2. Whoever agrees to my conditions may stay here. The rest of you please wait in the 'Office room'-Rajini.
3. Villain(over phone): Who is this?
Sivaji: Paraasakthi hero, da!
4. Summa adhiruthilla?!!-Rajini

If you want to know more about the 'office room', go watch the movie. And my humble request to all fans is this. Please watch this movie in a theater...it is really worth it. Watching it on a pirated video would be like having apple pie without the apple in it.

Trivia:

Shivaji is the name of Rajnikanth's character. Rajnikanth's birth name is Shivaji Rao Gaekwad.
Was set to be released in April 14th 2007, was postponed to May and finally to June 15th 2007. The continuous change in the release date of the film has caused a confusion in the Tamil film industry. Many other big films stayed away because they don't want to clash with Shivaji, in the end there were no big release for the months of April and May. For the first time in the history of Tamil commercial cinema since the 50's there was no big summer release.
This is 168th film for AVM, the production company and the 100th Tamil film (not counting his other language films) for Rajinikanth.
The movie is releasing with 4600 prints worldwide and has created a record in India as the only movie to be screened with more than 700 shows on a single day. Chennai alone constitutes 140 shows on the opening day.

Source for trivia: IMDB

*Typical Shankar movie: A typical shankar movie is defined as one in which the hero is a single man fighting certain evil forces in the society that hinder the development of our country, usually resorting to means that are quite frowned upon by the law (stealing and killing people, for example). This phenomenon is due to certain traumatic events in the hero's past which is shown in the flashback, usually involving the death of a loved one, caused by the 'evil forces in the society' that our hero is fighting against.

I'm Going Mad...SERIOUSLY!

2007-06-10T19:31:00.000+05:30

I'm going mad. I really am. Let me tell you why I think so.

Why I Think I'm Going Mad:

1.I'm an engineering student.
2.I'm an Electrical and Electronic Engineering student.
3.I'm in second year of college.
4.I have EEE lab.
5.Our maths teacher is giving people short names(She's probably too dumb to read out their full names).
6.She expects people to attend tutorial hours.
7.She actually expects us to solve problems in tutorial hours.
8.We have to attend tutorial classes for DC Machines too.
9.Our DC Machines lecturer expects us to believe that the weird looking enlarged eyeball she drew on the board was a DC Motor.
10.Solid State Devices.

Sigh...
It all started on my first day in second year. That was five days ago. I woke up at 6.30 on the day mentioned above and dressed like I was about to attend an interview. As for the thing one calls bathing that is usually done between waking up and dresssing for class...grow up people..!! What are deo-sprays for?!! Washed my face and actually smeared some sacred ash on my forehead...or at least, that's what I wanted people to believe. A wiser person would've asked me if it was Ponds sandal talc or Cinthol deo talc (it was Ponds, by the way ). The point is, the final result produced was an image of Ultimate Studiousness. That combined with my 'sincerely listening and occassional nodding' act, and the lecs would've taken me to be the most studious person in the college.

Anyways, I entered the class with a kind of bad feeling...and left it with a worser one. This was what happened in between:

Two hours of Field Theory: I fell into coma right on the first class of the year...have nothing against the subject or the lec, though...

An Hour of Solid State Devices: Solid State Devices drew liquid from my eyes...was afraid ppl might think I was weeping...was yawning that much.

An hour of Math: I DON'T want to say anything about this...too traumatic...lady actually expects ppl to attend tutorials...simply outrageous..!

An hour of DC Machines: Its gotta be pretty good I think, if you can atleast determine the language the lecturer speaks in. I've so far been successful in translating 'Nembers' to 'Numbers'.

Bottomline: Om textbookaya namaha..!

Blown fuse!!!

2007-04-14T19:39:00.000+05:30

“I want that, when you leeve this lab, you know sometheeng about circoots and gain baseec knowlege about wireeng…”

I still remember those words our wiring instructor told us on our very first wiring class, in his funny English. I thought then,”He seems to be really dedicated though his english is funny…I really must learn something when I complete this lab.” That was 2 months and 3 days ago. A lot happens in 2 months and 3 days. It is now my heartfelt opinion that wiring instructors ought to be electrocuted in their own wiring labs for causing unbearable mental agony and tension to innocent first year engineering students. No, its not like I didn’t learn anything…here’s a list of what I learnt from attending wiring classes:

One sweats like a pig in wiring lab. There is only one table fan and it is focused on to the instructor’s table.
The ‘drinking’ water in the container there ought to be labeled ‘liquid chlorine’.
You ought to get your observation notebook signed within one week of doing the experiment.
A lot of people don’t do that.
You are asked to get a letter signed by the chairman tutor for mass bunking wiring.
Only over-sincere specimens do that.
The chairman tutor’s signature is easy to forge.
The best way to escape writing the wiring test is by not completing your ‘project report’. The wiring guy usually sends you out in that case.
Sometimes, as in my case, he scolds you heavily and makes you write the test if you don’t submit the ‘project report’.
If you’ve lost your wiring observation, the best thing to do is pinch someone else’s.
Be careful, lest someone pinches yours (mine got pinched).
And again, it’s easy to forge the instructor’s sign.
If you intend commit any kind of fraud with wiring observation, do it when he’s most busy.

Those were the things I learnt in wiring lab. Well, yeah, I concede that readers might have expected me to mention something about wiring somewhere in the previous statements. After all, wiring lab is meant to teach people wiring. Unfortunately I would be deceiving the readers if I said that.

Why?

Because, the focus was more on completing the observation and record, the assignments, and the project, that we got very little chance to learn something at all. At the end of the wiring lab sessions, these are the skills I’ve acquired:

· Forging the wiring instructor’s signature.

· Manipulating observation notebooks.

· Enhanced creativity in inventing excuses.

Indeed, the workload was so heavy that we didn’t give a damn about understanding why the tube lights and bulbs glowed, as long as they did glow.

But then, if you come to think about it, why do we need to know how it works? Agreed, we’re ‘engineering’ students, but let’s face it; we really aren’t going to do much of engineering, are we? I mean, about 80% of us are going to sit in some 4”x4” cubicle staring at a monitor and typing away on a keyboard for 9 hours a day at the end of 4 years, earning 40k a month, approximately, aren’t we? Maybe on one odd day, the tube light glowing above our head will stop working…and as we’re waiting for the electrician to show up, we might think,” maybe if I’d had shown more interest in wiring workshop, I might have repaired it myself…sigh”

Deviating…again…well, I’d better sign off before I get too preachy…

P.S. Whoever’s reading this please do scribble a few comments, even if all you have to say is how you hate this blog…

The tale of the Trolls...

2007-04-08T13:06:00.000+05:30

Its rather weird. Have been looking for something to write about for 2 weeks, but couldn't think of anything. But one class...one class of basic civil engineering and my creativity soared to hitherto unknown levels...

4/4/07 Basic Civil Engineering

Faced Walls:

Faced walls are walls which have faces. Oh yes indeed, they have faces. Infact, they have faces so ugly that even Grosby the troll looks sexier. This is no mean fact as Grosby the troll has been the winner of the 'Bumpler's ugliest troll award' for the past six years in a row. Though this year it is rumoured that Grosby might face serious competition from Fiqowd the Despicable one, an up and coming ugly troll. Fiqowd is rumoured to have caused the death of 82 humans, 45 cows and buffaloes and 32 stray dogs till date by displaying his face in close quarters. Troll land police are still investigating the deaths, but so far no evidence has been found pointing to Fiqowd. Fiquowd refused to comment on the issue. He is busy with his preparation for this year's 'Bumpler's ugliest troll' showdown which is to take place tomorrow. He is confident of winning the same. Ad offers are already beginning to pour in, he says...

2 days later:
Results of the annual 'Bumpler's ugliest troll' have been announced!

Deep Shit

2007-03-19T13:57:00.001+05:30

I’ve known a lot of people who hate Monday mornings…I used to be one of them too, till recently. What caused this recent change of heart, you ask me? No, I assure you, it is certainly not any special interest that I might have in attending English lab which is the first class of the day. It is more of the fact that I don’t have to attend English lab, me having taken up German. That leaves me with one free hour in which I can prepare for the experiment, if it is the chemistry lab that follows the first hour or complete writing my observation and record, if it is the physics lab that follows.

Last Monday I was completing my physics observation in this free hour I have so high a regard for, it being the physics lab that I had to attend the next hour and two. I was waiting outside the physics lab promptly at 8.24, which I must tell you is not only being unusually punctual, but in fact a whole minute earlier than the 'scheduled time'. This is highly unusual in my case because it is always the physics lab that waits for me, and not I for it. And no! Before the reader comes to disastrous conclusions like those involving me turning over a new leaf and deciding to be in time for classes, I’ll tell you the reason I was early for lab. We first year students have eight experiments that we are supposed to complete in the two semesters, in our physics lab classes. One semester has passed and so has the second, almost, and I still have four of those eight experiments to complete and two lab classes to complete them. In other words, what had taken me the rest of the year to complete, I had to do it in two lab classes...that’s six hours. How I was planning to complete the feat, you ask me? Well, the course of action I had planned was quite simple…two experiments in this lab class, and two in the next. As simple as that. No complications provided everything was done on time. ON TIME. The magic words. I really had to stick to those two words if I intended passing my lab. And it was for this very valid reason that I was ON TIME to lab class.

I started off with one of the two experiments that I intended to complete that day, without any delay, for time was really precious to me right then. Had taken a couple of readings just when the others (rest of the class) entered and our lecturer made the fateful announcement, “Listen everyone, you won’t be having your next lab class. So you’ll have to complete two experiments today. And you’ll also have to complete all your pending experiments, if you have any, by today.”

I blinked.

I blinked again.

I was about to do it a third time when the bloke with whom I was doing my experiment asked me if I had any pending experiments to complete. I turned towards him and replied, “Two more. Four experiments in total to be completed today.”

Well, if I’d been blinking, it was nothing compared to what he was doing now. “Four?” he mouthed. Yes four, I told him.

Suddenly we both got back to our senses. FOUR GODDAMN EXPERIMENTS TO COMPLETE!!! I did not waste a single moment. Finished the experiment I was doing as fast as I could and hopped on from table to table, looking for the apparatus I required to complete my other experiments. I found one at last, only to find that its resistance boxes weren’t working. I called one of the lecturers there and told him about the strange values I was getting. He told me that it was perfectly alright and to enter the reading even if the galvanometer showed a value little greater or lesser than the required one. I didn’t need any further encouragement. Filled in my own values, got a reading attested, and moved on to the next experiment.

Logic gates, their implementation. I never saw the point in implementing logic gates when the IC’s that contain them do not work. But today, they simply HAD TO WORK. Another guy who had a considerable amount of implementing left to do with logic gates joined me. We got the results right for all the gates but one and informed the lecturer. He attested the values one by one, without even going near the apparatus. We had only one more gate to complete. We didn’t get the result. And it was this particular gate that the lecturer insisted on us showing the result to him. “Damn it!” I thought. After a considerable amount of time, we discovered where the fault lay, corrected it and informed the lecturer. Now he wasn’t interested in seeing the gate work and signed our observations, right away. I cursed to my self again, irritated.

Only one more experiment to complete and ten more minutes left. But the experiment was a rather easy one…logic gates again, but this time it involved their study. I finished it in 6 minutes, one for each gate and got the values attested. It was with a huge sigh of relief that I left the lab that day…

Attended a business quiz that afternoon, after having got my On Duty slip, which meant I wouldn’t be in trouble for bunking ED that afternoon, having bunked a considerable amount of it already. I came back to my room only to find that I’d misplaced my observation, in which I’d got two of the four experiments that I’d completed that day, attested. But I got it back the next day, thankfully.

It has been a week since, and I now have one reason to celebrate and one to feel sorry for.

Reason to celebrate: I got really good marks for all the experiments that I completed that day.

Reason to feel sorry for: I’ve lost my physics lab record, in which I’m supposed to enter all the experiments and results. Sigh…hope I’ll find it…failing which I’ll be in what you’d call DEEP SHIT.

Physics...Bah..!

2007-02-22T18:48:00.000+05:30

I keep trying my very best not to poke fun of my teachers in my blogs...but they simply don't seem to want to give me a chance to do so. I mean, a guy has got every right to be left in peace if he wants to sit and sleep in class, or pursue an interest of his choice like solving the day's crossword (trying to) or drawing a nice cartoon. It is really saddening that lecturers do not welcome this idea. It is for this reason that I choose to visit as few physics classes as possible…I have, in fact devised a formula to assist me in deciding whether I need to attend the next physics class or not. Here it is:

(X + b (q^1/2)) / (y+ (p^1/2) +3)

Where,
X = number of days you have attendance for (might be greater than the number of days you actually attended class)
b = estimated number of hours you require to finish any pending assignments.
q = number of hours after 11 p.m. your roommate kept you awake last night by keeping the light on.
y = number of classes you’ve already bunked.
p = spite level, an indication of how much the particular lecturer is fed up with your behavior (sadly, this keeps shooting up for me, every now and then).

Range of result, after substitution of values:

Less than 0.5 - ATTEND THE CLASS, FOR GOD’s SAKE!!!
0.5 to 0.7 - You really should attend class…if you wanna keep out of trouble.
0.7 to 1 – Attend class…just this one…
1 – 1.2 – You’ve been attending a good number of classes…maybe its time to take a break.
1.2 – 1.5 – You really do need that break.
Greater than 1.5 – THIS CAN’T BE YOU!!!

It was on one of those days that the result was an alarming 0.7 that I decided to spend an hour in class. Armed with the day’s sudoku and crossword, I was ready to face any physics teacher be it human or monster (you usually don’t get to see much of the human variety). As soon as I entered class my eyes went straight to the last row, scanning it for empty spaces. I found two, occupied one of them. My lecturer entered the lecture hall and started lecturing, for that’s what lecturers are meant to do in lecture halls. I had filled in about five blank spaces on the sudoku puzzle and was busy arguing with the chap next to me if I could or not fill in a 3 in A-7 when I heard the lecturer call out my number for attendance. I dutifully answered, for attendance is the only reason I attend Physics classes. Just when I was about to resume the argument with my neighbor when I heard the lecturer call me again, this time by my name. From my past experience I have learnt that whenever a lecturer calls you by your name, you’re in for it. She asked me to work out the first of the 9 problems given as assignment the day before, on the board. I was in for it.

I’ve always liked fish…the ones that I’ve seen in my neighbor’s fish tank are really cool. The way they kept opening and closing their mouth always mystified me. Why, I used to ask, do they do that? The mystery was now solved as I stood there in physics class, doing the same.

Srivats is not a man who stands and stares when faced with SERIOUS TROUBLE. He acts, and he does it fast, they say. Well, I certainly did a considerable amount of staring and gaping, but I did not take much time in figuring out a solution to this predicament of mine. I just needed to exchange my notebook with that of Chappie 1’s…who was sure to have completed the problem in question. Chappie 1 was seated down the same row, so it wouldn’t be any trouble to switch notebooks as I walked towards the black board. It was to my serious shock that I discovered that Chappie 1’s notebook was with Chappie 2, who was seated further down the same row. I had to snatch the notebook out of his hand, and I did it rather noisily which grabbed the attention of the lecturer.

She asked me to bring my own notebook. I did so. She asked me again to bring my own notebook. I told her that it was the one in my hand. One look at the measly amount of progress I had made in solving the problem on my notebook and she asked me to leave the classroom. I did so quite happily, with a spring in my step and a smile on my lips. I stood just outside the door waiting for a couple of other people, who I was sure, would join me soon. Chappie 3 emerged out of the class in less than half a minute. Then came Chappie 4, Chappies 5,6,7 …followed by the entire class of 90, all with wide grins on their faces…I burst out laughing right there in the corridor…sigh…Physics can be fun sometimes…!

My Basic Civil Notes...

2007-02-05T19:09:00.000+05:30

A force F=6i-3j-2k acts at a point P (1,3,4). Determine the moment of force about the origin.
Solution:
I absolutely refuse to answer this question. I am strongly against such heinous acts that threaten the development of our country. It is my sincere belief that questions such as the one above…

If the position vectors of points A and B are 3i-5j+7k and 6i+3j-5k, find AB vector.

…poison the mind of the younger generation by exposing it to evil ideas such as studiousness and sincerity in submitting assignments…

Show that the vectors 5i+8j-4k and 4i+2j+9k are at right angles to each other.

…and induce them to indulge in criminal activities like studying, writing assignments and attending classes unnecessarily (where the offender’s attendance percentage is already above 75%)…

Show that the vectors A=2i-3j-k, B= -6i+9j+3k are parallel.

…These antisocial activities act as a hindrance to students…

When several forces act on a body, they are called a force system or a system of forces.

…who are interested in performing social services such as filling movie halls and maintaining 90% attendance in college canteens. Even students who sincerely volunteer to perform such good deeds are discouraged by those who indulge in the previously mentioned anti-social activities (studying, submitting assignments, and the like).

RESOLUTION OF FORCES:

‘Resolution of forces’, eh? See what I told you about? This is what happens when you go about listening in class. Resolution of forces, indeed. I have never heard anything more preposterous in my life. If people were to go around resolving forces, what would be the fate of movie halls, canteens and other such student-friendly hangouts? Hence I strongly recommend that ‘Resolution of forces’ must hereby, be declared illegal and punishable by law.

January 25th 2007:

Groan…this man (my basic civil lecturer) sucks…big time! He’s been going on with that crap he calls ‘Problems in Resolution of Forces’ and what I’d call absolute junk. What’s the point? See, he’s now blabbering about some stuff called P, equal to a 100 newtons and another called Q, equal to 50 newtons…or is it the other way round? Who cares? I’m pretending like I’m doing calculations on my 991ES. But I give you my word, I have absolutely no idea of what the whole stuff is about, having paid no attention to the junk when it was being taught.
This chappie (the lecturer) has this funny habit of pronouncing ‘newton’ as ‘newtaan’. I find it hard to control my laughter each time he does it. And hey, he just caught some guy writing something else in class…I think it was his physics record. A fine way to spend time in civil class, if you ask me. Other ways include catching up on some well-needed sleep, solving crosswords (one of my friends suggested that) or if you’re unable to do any of the above, simply vent your anger by writing nonsense in the civil notebook, just like I’m doing now…aah! Its time for lunch…finally…

BCE - II

2007-01-13T10:28:00.000+05:30

3rd January, 2007 A.D
9.00 A.M, IST

Basic Civil Engineering class…

From what I heard from my friends who were fortunate (I’m being sarcastic) enough to study this subject last semester, Basic Civil Engineering was not much difficult, but was certainly boring sometimes. They turned out to be wrong about the latter...I mean, about basic civil being boring SOMETIMES… It’s only my second class in Basic Civil Engineering and I lost all hope of even trying to pay the least possible attention in class...what BCE1 (Basic Communication Engineering) was to me last semester, maybe its BCE2 (Basic Civil Engineering) this semester.

Let me explain why. Now let us consider a chappie...our everyday, normal, next door kind of chappie, a chappie like me, in fact. Now this everyday, normal, next door kind of chappie is sitting in his lecture hall, awaiting his civil lecturer, it being the first hour that is about to be wasted on the subject. This lecturer bloke comes in, and starts taking class. Civil lecturers ought to be civil, they say. It would be perfectly normal for this everyday, normal, next door kind of chappie to expect this lecturer bloke to be at least civil enough to introduce himself to the class… his name, and a few words about the subject he’s going to teach...and the like, you know. But it is disheartening that this lecturer bloke doesn’t get any such idea and finds it most prudent to start scribbling away on the board as soon as he enters the class. Mind you, it was 3 whole minutes after he entered the class that he chose to show the class his facial features, having been busy showing them to the black board since the time of his entering into class...sigh...so much for civil lecturers being civil. And once he manages the feat described above (the displaying of one’s facial features to a class of 76), our everyday, normal, next door kind of chappie immediately understands why ‘to be careful what you wish for, as it might come true’.

Now let us go into what happens on the second hour of civil class. This everyday, normal, next door kind of chappie can hear “Pokkiri pongal...” playing on the mp3 player of the chappie behind him, the loud snores of the chappie to his right, the nice chat the two chappies to his left are having and a distant, almost inaudible voice rambling on about new son-in-laws (He discovers later that it was the lecturer bloke going on about Newton’s laws). And he gets an occasional whiff of what he initially assumes to be the strongest of those gases that are used by the law enforcement to control crowds due to their unpleasant effect on one’s olfactory nerves. But after careful investigation, our everyday, normal, next door kind of chappie discovers that:

1. Pigeons shit.
2. They keep mistaking (Again, I’m sarcastic...there is no MISTAKING involved) the civil lecture hall for a PUBLIC TOILET FOR FEATHERED SPECIES.
3. And the shit SIMPLY STINKS!!!

Trying his best to overcome the assault on his olfactory nerves, our everyday, normal, next door kind of chappie tries once again to tune his brain to the frequency of his lecturer bloke. Unfortunately he finds that the particular frequency in question is not covered by his bandwidth (I’m being sarcastic again, there is nothing UNFORTUNATE about the above mentioned). He resigns himself to “Pokkiri Pongal...”... er... no, it’s “ Dhoom again and runaway with me...” now... so much for new year resolutions that involve paying attention in class...hopeless indeed, but who’s complaining...?

The year 2006 A.D.

2006-12-31T23:35:00.000+05:30

'THIS WAS DEFINITELY WHAT I’D CALL ‘ONE HECK OF AN YEAR’.

As I’m standing at the end of 2006, looking back at the one year I’ve gone through, I can’t say anything else. A year ago, I did not have had the slightest idea what I was to become, or rather, what my life was to become in this one year. It’s changed my whole goddamn life upside down! Though I’m more or less the same in physical appearance, it’s the inner self, as one would call it, which has been subjected to a complete transformation by the …eh…vicissitudes of fate. Let’s look at the phases these changes took place, one by one…

PHASE 1 (January, February and March): The Headache

My half yearly marks had just come out and they were nowhere near encouraging. And it was time for my model exams. Added to this was the Ten Test headache at my tuition centers. I really didn’t do anything these three months except for jumping from one test to another, often getting low marks in many (especially Chemistry). But I didn’t give a damn for these marks; I never have, in fact. Before I knew it my board exams were staring into my face and I, at them. The headache was finally over on March 23^rd, when we wrote our last exam. The evening of March 23^rd shall be one that I’ll never forget. I, along with my friends celebrated the end of exams by seeing Rang De Basanti at Satyam, and I will never forget that movie, either…one of my favorites. That’s the end of Phase 1.

PHASE 2 (April, May and June) : Under High Tension

The next three months, I wrote four more entrance exams, the IIT JEE, AIEEE, BITSAT and the dear old CET, in that order. I really had a good time during common entrance coaching. All this was over by May itself…the rest of this phase, we all spent under high tension, waiting for the examination results. And when they came, it had a pleasant surprise in store for me. It turned out no one in my family had expected me to score that well…I found that a bit of an insult, but it was a good thing in fact. By the end of this Phase, I’d known my cutoff marks and had a pretty good idea what kind of college I’d be studying in.

PHASE 3 (July, August and September): Wrote my destiny

The entire month of July, I was in front of my computer, researching, making my decision on what college I would choose, from what would be available to me. Let me tell you what parameters I was taking into consideration. I kept hopping on from one college website to next. I visited the orkut communities of all those colleges to see what the students had to say about the college. And I tried collecting as much info as I could about the boys to girls ratio in each college (I can hear an “Ada paavi!” at this point). After all this I finally decided on being a day scholar, and to take EEE at SSN. But at the last minute, I got this call from my cousin advising me VERY STRONGLY to take the same course in the college I now happen to be a student of. I checked the college out on the net that night and found that it offered its students a lot of freedom. Perfect, I thought…just what I wanted. So, by the same time the next night, I’d written my destiny and I’d already found a couple of friends, my would-be classmates, over the net, all thanks to orkut. College was a lot different from the way I imagined it. And the hostel…I didn’t know what to say about it when I first saw it. But as time went, I adjusted myself to things. I had really nice roommates, and really good friends in class, and one in the same branch as me. As for the girls, don’t ask. Utter disappointment. Well, one can’t have everything. I was changing slowly at first…washing my own clothes, meeting and conversing with people with whom I had nothing in common, beginning to swear when I got annoyed without trying to control myself…and the like. Gained friends, lost a few…and well, I was not sad about my choice of college at the end of these three months.

PHASE 4 (October, November and December): Final destination

The last three months were really eventful. I spent almost all the time at the hostel these days, owing to the lack of many weekend holidays. This made me close to my roommates, though one of them never stays much in the room. I made a lot of casual friends, and a few good ones too, though none that can be categorized as really best friends. That’ll take time I guess, especially with a person like me, who finds it hard to trust people. Got blasted off by a lecturer, got caught sleeping in class often and really really screwed up more exams than I’ve done in the rest of my past life. One thing that makes me happy about my college is that, when I tell someone its name, they instantly recognize it and tell me it’s a good college…it does have some reputation, since it’s been around for long. At the end of the year, I’m still not sad about my choice of college. I would have never got to meet certain people had I chosen some other college. That’s maybe why I get irritated when people say they don’t like this college. But whether I’m happy with my college is another issue. I really don’t know the answer to that. Only time will tell…

It’s the last day of the year now…and I can’t help wondering, what a different person I was a year ago. But then, as I look at it more carefully, I haven’t changed much at all, am still the same old guy I was an year ago…its only my surroundings that have changed. I don’t know for sure. I never even guessed certain kinds of people existed before I saw them here, in my college. I’m still getting used to college. I’ve learnt a lot of good things at college, like blogging for example. I would have probably never started this thing, unless I’d been inspired by a blog of another college mate of mine. I started it only at the beginning of PHASE 4, in fact. And it’s been highly useful. At least, now there is a place I can put all the crap I write…instead of putting it in a corner of my mind and never writing it at all in the first place…and hey…its almost 12…so hi 2007…

Resolutions...

2006-12-31T23:38:00.000+05:30

I decided to put up my new year resolutions here so that you can give me a good kick when you catch me not sticking to them…

My New Year resolutions for 2007:

1. Arrange the laser guided missiles I play with, in my bedroom properly. My mom fears they might go off accidentally and destroy the city.

2. Dust my ship which I use to visit my home planet everyday. It won’t take much time, considering the ship is only 20 miles long.

3. Limit myself to eating 400 kg of ‘ewgriore’ (my favorite alien dish) each day.

4. Stop damaging aeroplanes by jumping down from them. PanAm has lost 30 planes so far. And Fly Emirates has lost nearly 15.

5. Keep my anger under control. Went berserk when I got upset last month and smashed up a whole neighborhood. The MIB are finding it rather hard to cover up.

6. Stop playing football with the neighbor’s kid…as the goal. He keeps flying off into the ionosphere. And the MIB have to get him back and wipe his memory each time.

Fun at cousin's place...

2006-12-27T22:43:00.000+05:30

Scene: The terrace, at my cousin’s place.

Characters: Me and cousin (Elder, female of the species)

This happened three days before my BCE exam. It was about 5.30 in the evening. I was resting comfortably in a chair with loads of BCE notes scattered around me and my cousin, seated equally comfortable with a copy of J.L. Manish’s (or was it K.L Manish?)‘Networking for Beginners’ in her hands. I was supposed to be studying for my BCE exam, quite obviously. And I was not studying for my BCE exam, again quite obviously. You see, I was more interested in the couple of crows flying above me. I was delving on the grace and beauty of these fascinating creatures when I was rudely interrupted by the cousin I spoke about.

Cousin: You’re supposed to be studying, remember?

Me: Yeah…but these crows are more fascinating than BCE…

Cousin: I can understand….. they probably look better than the girls in your college.

This got me irritated…though I found little fault with her view, there was no need to keep rubbing it in at every opportunity. Also, though not to a great extent, some girls in my college do look better than the feathered friends I’ve been discussing about.

Me: Do we need to go into that?

Cousin: Then for heaven’s sake stop watching those stupid birds and start studying..!

Me: Sigh…ok…

5 minutes into BCE and I was back to watching the crows again…

Cousin: You are going to fail BCE, you know…

Me (without taking my eyes off the crows): Who cares?

Cousin: Dei, padi da…

Me (still focused on the crows): Don’t worry, I will…

Cousin: If you’re gonna keep an arrear in this subject you’ll never....

And so she went on….with her lecture. I was still immersed in watching the crows flying over my head. They were flying in beautiful arcs and curves….WHOOSH..! SWISH..! ZOOM..! and just when they were right above my head, SPLAT!

My cousin burst out laughing.

Cousin: Bulls eye!

I wasn’t all that amused, you see, because the bulls eye my cousin was referring to had its centre right above my nose, on my forehead.

Me: shit.

Cousin (still cackling): Yeah…it is…crow shit…

Me: Nice discovery thank you very much, but I figured it out for myself…

Cousin: Planning to wash the shit off your face at all…?

Me: I’ll do that…

So, after doing what one would call 'washing the shit off one's face' (and I did a thorough job of it) I returned to face an even worser kind of shit....BCE…and in another 5 minutes I gave it up altogether…

Me: No use…

Cousin: Hey come on…I used to study stuff twice as boring as this without losing concentration…

Me: I do not possess such extraordinary intelligence.

Cousin: You think I possess extraordinary intelligence?

Me: You do.

Cousin: What? Possess?

Me: No, think.

It took her the best of 10 seconds to figure out the meaning of what I said…and I made most out of those ten seconds by running for cover behind the door and slamming it shut. Sure enough, just when I shut the door, I heard a heavy thud against the door caused by, as I rightly guessed, the impact of J.L Manish’s (or K.L. Manish?) ‘Networking for beginners’.

Moral of the story:

1. Trying to study BCE always lands you in trouble.

2. Don’t be fascinated by crows, however bad your college girls look.

3. Cousins can throw a 1.7kg book at you without any hesitation when provoked. So make sure there are sturdy doors around, or at least a big sofa behind which you can take cover when books start turning into lethal projectiles.

V for Vendetta.....B for ...?

2006-12-06T17:16:00.000+05:30

My own custom intro of the character B, in V for Vendetta style....

Boo! Present before you is a bloated, big-nosed buffon, widely believed to be boring and birdbrained. This bizarre blockhead is no banner of bravery, boldness or brains, but rather a badge of bad manners and brainlessness. Being a batty old bugger, he is also the bringer of bad luck and often, the butt of the best jokes in the band. Bewildered by the most basic of brainworks, it is certainly bewildering that his brain works. His bitter, blabbering mouth and biting nature have made him the biggest blunder of ma nature. Beggarly in attire and beastly in behaviour, he is a base brute who backbites on everybody. So let me add that he is the greatest dishonour to the planet and that you may call him B (B for Bas**rd).

The original dialogue, as in the movie:

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V

My BCE answer sheet

2006-11-08T16:06:00.001+05:30

Indirect method of Frequency Modulation:

Circuit diagram:

Kindly refer the previous paper. I don't remember the diagram. You can give me marks for the theory part.

Explanation:

As can be seen from the diagram in my predecessor's answer sheet, the circuit looks rather ugly( I remember bits of the diagram, though..). I mean, those stupid looking triangles with those silly straight lines next to them (our lecturer calls them diodes, I don't know why) look rather out of place. Here's one of those......don't you think its ugly too..?

And those spring like things (inductors, i believe they are called) marked L1 and L2 look really disgusting. But I think those zig zag lines look rather cool...they are called...eh....can't remember......ah! resistors! that's right....they are called resistors. That's it for the description.

Working:
Now comes the tough part. The device is supposed to be a frequency modulator, so i guessed it is supposed to do a considerable amount of frequency modulating, in addition to its other duties. But I really don't understand how the damn thing does any frequency modulating at all. But my BCE lecturer told me it does a lot of frequency modulating and it is supposed to do quite a good job of it too, and so, i took her word for it. So, whoever you are, correcting this paper, i'd like you to trust me and take my word for it too. I know you'll find this hard to believe, but that top half of the circuit has something to do with providing a positive output, and the bottom half, a negative output. Bloody brilliant, I'd say. Splendid job, old chap!, I'd say that too. But alas! I can't say how it manages to do so, for I have absolutely no idea about it....and I'm out of patience, can't think of any more crap for this answer. You are at liberty to give me whatever marks you think this answer deserves, but do consider that my answer is completely original, still to be published in any book. Thank you for patiently reading this answer....

Down in the dumps....

2006-10-23T11:31:00.000+05:30

Its diwali holidays, the time when everyone's happy, celebrating and enjoying.......well, i'm not everyone. I'm at the peak of being depressed right now.....I'd be richer than Bill Gates, if sorrow was money. I don't know the exact reason why I'm depressed......a lot of factors are contributing to the way my mood is. To begin with, I was actually planning to write about something else for this post, and it didn't come out as well as i expected, so I dropped it, which made me feel bad. I'd been planning it for long. Also, i'm suffering from a real lack of inspiration haven't written anything good since i came to this college. I had written the poem in my first post long back, when i was in school.

Secondly, I had planned atleast 2 movies with my friends. My plan flopped......my friend managed to get himself an ED special class to attend from out of nowhere at the last moment. Really annoying.....

And the third and the most important cause is, I HAVE A DAMN BASIC COMMUNICATION ENGINEERING TEST ON WEDNESDAY!! Basic Communication Engineering is a pain in the neck, if you ask me. The prospect of actually writing a test on the damn subject is certainly far from appealing. And added to the fact that I, being the genius I am, managed to leave my textbook back in the hostel, makes the idea of writing the test really, really uninviting.
Because, without the textbook, we are finished (Having the text book too doesn't make much difference, you can't understand the damn subject anyway. But you get the comforting feeling that even the author doesn't know what he is saying). My basic communication lecturer is already sort of displeased with me.....I sleep openly in her classes, and she's caught me sleeping often. And my dismal performance in the midsemester examinations did nothing to improve her opinion about me. She probably thinks I'm a brainless fool (Its perfectly fair, though. My idea about her is nearly the same).

It all started like this......one fine day, we EEE students were unfortunate enough to have a basic communication engineering class. As expected, the class put me in a coma. When i woke up, i found myself staring into the eyes of a great ugly monster that was looking at me as though it was about to gobble me up. I rubbed my eyes and strained them, by which act, i discovered that the great ugly monster was actually my lecturer. She asked me to stand up......and I managed to accomplish the feat really well. The reader must understand that i was not yet completely out of my coma; I was still in a highly delirious state. I really don't remember what she was telling me, but i guessed it was something unpleasant. After a minute of yelling at me, she asked "What are the advantages of Frequency Discrimination method?" I was about to say "Frequency Discrimination? Sorry ma'am, i don't know the chap", when it suddenly struck my clever brain that she was probably asking some question from what she'd been teaching. That didn't make Frequency Discrimination any more familiar to me, however. So i did the best thing i could do.......total silence....My lecturer was obviously not pleased, that i could understand. And so she said, "I'm going to mark you absent because you were mentally absent." That really made me angry. I attend the class only for the sake of attendance. Had wasted 50 minutes for nothing that day. She was going to note down my name and she told me so. I obliged her request by stating my name. She said "What?" And i stated my name again. And once again, she said, "What?" Well, i knew her iq level was a bit low, but didn't imagine it to be that bad. So, i spelled out my name loudly for her. The class burst out laughing.....and that started it....the conflict of wills between me and the lecturer...

Well, coming back to the point, there are other reasons too, why I'm depressed. But i really don't feel like sharing them...they are not that depressing as the BCE test is.....yawn.....am gonna go back to sleep....

2006-10-16T18:19:00.000+05:30

Whew! Finally got through with my midsems. Am setting new standards for scoring low marks, especially in basic communication engineering. Given below is a set of guidelines on how to write, or rather, screw up exams really well. I compiled them just before my board exams (an ideal way to spend study holidays, instead of studying, if you ask me). I seriously considered trying a few of these in my midsems....

Ways To Spice Up Your Exams

Exams can get really boring sometimes......well, all the time for me. Following certain simple guidelines can help you screw up your exams very easily. Try the following in your exams if you are bored and sure of failing...
1.Read the question paper thoroughly. If you don't know any answers, read it again. If you still don't have any idea what the questions are about, start writing a mordern day version of romeo and juliet.
2.Watch a movie the day before your exams and write a review of it in your answer sheet.
3.Answer every alternate sentence in black ( guaranteed to irritate the person who corrects your paper.
4.Answer any diagram questions by drawing the examiners face from different angles.
5.Write ten reasons why you think you deserve the lead role in ManiRatnam's next movie.
6.Answer your paper in different languages.
7.Bring a log book to English exam and pretend to do calculations. If asked, just say you are calculating the probability of passing the paper.
8.Appeal to the religious sentiments of the person who corrects your paper. Whenever
there is a question you can't answer, write "JESUS, HELP ME!"
9.If the question paper is exceptionally long and tiresome, try putting in the lyrics for 'Thee Pidikka' song somewhere in the middle of an essay question and see if your teacher notices while correcting the paper.

My First Blog

2006-10-01T17:00:00.000+05:30

Well Hi! This is the first time i'm blogging. I'm actually kind of lazy, really lazy infact, so can't be posting often.......so here goes.....i've been at this goddamn place you call an engineering college for the past 2 months, and it is certainly a very happening place. I've changed a lot in these 2 months......i don't flinch anymore when i see someone swearing really really indecently. If i did i'd have to keep flinching all the time....and there has been a drastic fall in the hygiene i practise.....i use more deospray than drinking water these days . And there is the gentlemen's mess, though i really don't see what there is so gentlemanly about it.......neither the mess staff nor the students who dine there can be called 'gentlemen'. Well, coming to the point, the mess food, though not inedible, is certainly far from edible. And about my roommates....i have two, Ela and Andy. Well, they were actually named Anand Elamaran and Anandaraman by their parents, but there is no point in using such long names...is there? One is from Salem and the other from Namakkal.....small town boys with big mouths, especially Andy. They are kind of fun to be with, but i hate the kind of look they give me when i use deospray if i don't have time to take a bath. I mean, i do atleast take baths regularly....if not daily...well not daily...but still often. There is a lot more....but i've to attend to my Electric Circuits assignment now.....and hey everyone, check out this poem i wrote....it'd be a really fine description of my maths professor ...

MY PROFESSOR
I cannot take it any more professor!
My concentration is growing lesser and lesser
You sound like you are completely drunk
Your's is a class I'd love to bunk

I find more meaning in a donkey's bray
When I compare it to what you say
You keep going on with all that crap
While we all get ourselves a midday nap

Maybe if you were a little more brief
You wouldn't fill us with so much grief
Please continue with your ancient lore
While everyone around me is starting to snore

I don't know whether to break down and weep
Or put my head down and go to sleep
Which one to do, I can't decide
Any more of this and I might commit suicide

Abandoned by all fortune and luck
Here in your class I remain stuck
To you, I'd like to be as near
As the distance travelled by light in one year

Time dilation, I thought was just spoof
But your class is real life proof
You think you are Albert Einstein
But to us you look like Frankenstein

Oh God! Will this agony ever end?
Some kind of relief please do send
I feel as though I'm suffering in hell
Ah! There goes the blessed bell!

Hope you liked it
-Srivats...